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fightmewiatch · 5 years ago

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Guilt

Pairing: Chase Collins (The Covenant) x Reader Warnings: None Prompt: “The last thing i said to him was never come back” (prompt in bold) Word count: 1,977

A/N: Written for @baezen The Other Guys Writing Challenge. Hope you like it! it sort of got away from me, haha.

You weren’t exactly a stranger to anger. Between the bullies you’d experienced while growing up, and the taunts when you spent one year at a private school - the rich kids didn’t take too kindly to a poor kid who got in on scholarship, you found out quickly - you were used to getting angry, and finding ways to funnel that feeling. When you started at Spencer Academy, at the recommendation of your grandparents (who, thankfully, also footed the bill), you started looking for ways to get rid of that feeling.

Therapy came first. Yoga. Meditation. They helped, but not quite the way you wanted.

You had taken to walking, for a while, but even that got boring.

But when the student body started throwing parties, and you were being invited out, you felt better than you had in years. You felt like you belonged.

And, after the party breaking in the new year led you to meeting Chase Collins, you were a goner. His beautiful blue eyes, the way they crinkled when he smiled. You fell for him so fast, you were surprised no one saw your head spin. And you were so sure Chase liked you too, the way he smiled at you.

But more often than not, any time the two of you spent together was when you were alone. He went out, often, to Nicky’s, went on walks, went out with the Sons of Ipswich, but not once did he ask you to go out, not once did he invite you, well, anywhere. You didn’t mind, at first. New relationships were fragile things. But the longer it went on, the more worried you got, and you could feel that frustration, that anger, bubbling beneath the surface.

And then the night of the dance. The night of the big storm. The last time you saw him.

The fight was bad. He hadn’t meant for you to see him, you had come by to see if he was still coming to the dance, but when you saw him trying to sneak out, you knew he wasn’t. He was, once again, going off to do something without you. And you blew up at him, in a way you weren’t sure you’d ever done with anyone, before storming back to your room and locking the door.

When the year was over, and you were back home, with your parents, your mom came up to see you often, wanting to be sure you were alright.

“I got so mad at him,” you whispered, curled up around your pillow, as your mom sat down beside you. “I yelled at him, and I shouldn’t have yelled. I shouldn’t have.”

“Honey, you had every right to yell,” she promised, brushing your hair off your face.

“Mom...the last thing I said to him was never come back,” you whispered, closing your eyes. “And he just...he’s gone. He’s just gone, and I’m never gonna see him again, and I’ll never get to apologize, and I shouldn’t have yelled at him.” Your mother clicked her tongue, tsk soft in as comforting a way as she could manage, her hand warm and comforting along your shoulder. You knew she didn’t like Chase, had disapproved without saying so longer than you wanted to think about, but you were grateful that she was putting that aside to try and comfort you as best she could.

It had only been a couple of months, time you thought would have made you feel less guilty, but instead, it just left the feeling thrumming under your skin, rising just enough as you tried to sleep to keep it from being restful. You couldn’t stop thinking about the last time you’d seen him, wondering what happened to him, where he was. You wanted so desperately for him to be okay, no matter how angry you had been.

The storm was harsh, violent even, rain beating against your windows, the wind nearly swinging the trees to the ground. Lightning flashed often, cradled in the sharp cracks of thunder that shook the house. It amazed you every time that your parents could sleep through it, as you made your way around the house to ensure all the windows were closed, before you headed back up to your room.

You didn’t register the sound, the clink clink of something hitting your window disguised as part of the storm, until it was accompanied by something that sounded an awful lot like a voice. Curious, you moved to the window, peering out into the dark. In a flash of lightning, you spotted someone on the grass, head tipped back to look in your direction. Your heart was in your throat as you jerked back, letting your curtain fall away. When the voice sounded again, you were more subtle, peering out the window without yanking the curtains up. This time, within a couple of flashes, you recognized the face, and gasped, rushing downstairs to open the door.

Chase was soaked, his clothes clinging to him, weighed down by the rain. It dripped off his hair, down his face, as he stumbled in the back door before you shut it.

“I’m so glad you heard me out there, I was not looking forward to ringing the doorbell,” he panted, shaking his head, as you grabbed a towel off the dryer and handed it to him. “You know the forecast called for clear skies tonight? No rain, no wind. Weatherman oughta be fired.”

As he grumbled, and dried what he could, you just stared at him, fighting the urge to lunge at him. You watched him, breath shaky, as he patted his face dry, and rubbed the towel over his hair, before he peered out at you, as if he thought you’d left.

“...what?”

“...I thought...I thought somethin’ terrible happened…” you replied quietly, voice trembling, but you trailed off, frown on your lips, as he chuckled.

“Yeah...yeah, kinda did. But I’m okay, now. I’m alright. I’m sorry I didn’t come by,” Chase apologized, but he frowned as you scoffed, and shook your head. “What?”

“Didn’t come by? Chase, I th-thought you were dead. Or...or, I don’t know, setting up your life somewhere else.”

“...why would you think that?” he inquired, confused.

“Because no one has heard from you in months! Because I yelled at you! I told you never to come back!” you replied, almost exclaimed, nearly hissing to keep your voice down. Chase chuckled, shaking his head a little, as he leaned back against the dryer.

“Sweetheart...I knew you were mad that night, didn’t really think you meant it.”

Sniffling, you scrunched up your face, and crossed your arms over your chest, almost desperate to put up some kind of wall, block, to stop yourself from showing him how the last few weeks had affected you. But even that movement told him what you didn’t want to, and he dropped the smirk that had curled at his lips, pushing off the dryer.

“...baby…”

“I was so angry with you...for everything. For...for having this thing with me but not wanting anyone to see us together, for not wanting to do anything with me if it meant being around others, and I still felt so awful for telling you to never coming back only for you to fucking vanish and here you are standing in my house, acting like nothing happened, like everything is fine, and ignoring...ignoring everything? Acting like you didn’t leave that night and just fucking disappear?” you sniffled, frowning at him. Chase shook his head, seeing the shimmer in your eyes, and took a step forward, enveloping you in a tight embrace despite the thick weight of his soaked, chilled closed. You slumped against him, quickly throwing your arms around his shoulders, as he pulled you close.

“You had every right to be mad at me. But there are things I didn’t get to tell you, and a lot of shit happened that night but I had every intention of telling you.” You sniffled, shrugging, as he rubbed a hand down your back.

“...so tell me.”

His sigh made your stomach clench as you pulled back, brow furrowed.

“You don’t want to.”

“I do. But I don’t know how you’re gonna take it, so...you gotta promise you won’t scream.” You frowned, but shrugged, nodding. “Nothing had anything to do with not wanting anyone to see you. It was about protecting you. That’s it. Plain and simple.”

“How was refusing to even look at me when people were around s-”

“Because I...am not entirely who you think I am. And I don’t mean that to sound threatening. Not to you.” He studied you for a moment, before sighing, and shaking his head. “Look. I had a plan, when I got to the academy, and none of it involved you. But, shit...I just couldn’t help myself. I just had to try to protect you. You really only know part of me.”

“Chase Collins. If you do not tell me what it was that was so much more important that me, I swear to God.”

All arguments vanished when his eyes flashed and burned, and the pile of laundry behind him on the dryer rose up into the air. You could barely breathe, startled at the sight, before you slowly looked back at him, wide-eyed.

“Ta-da…” he mumbled.

“What...what the fuck?” Chase’s eyes flashed again, the laundry falling back into place, as he scratched his fingers through his hair.

“I’m a witch...I’m not the only one, either.” You almost couldn’t breathe, staring at him in that moment, until his fingers grazed your arm and you near jolted in place. ��Baby?”

“What the fuck.” He chuckled, he couldn’t help it, as you snapped your eyes to meet his.

“I tell you what...can we go to your room? You can ask me anything you want, I just...I wanna stay with you.”

You hesitated as you watched him, weighing your options in your head. You knew your parents would lose their minds if they found Chase showed up in the middle of the night and you brought him to your room, but on the other hand, you hadn’t seen him in months, you were finally able to shake the guilt you had been letting eat you up now that he was back.

Carefully, you reached out, curling your fingers around his wrist. He smiled as he followed the pull, as you led him towards the basement, towards the entertainment space your father was so proud of. You felt a rush of air as you led him to the couch, quickly flicking on the light before you looked at him, only to see that his clothes no longer sagged with water, but were, instead, dry.

“...yeah...I can do that too,” he admitted almost sheepishly, as you huffed, fighting a smile, and sat on the couch. “Ask me anything.”

“...I don’t know where to start,” you admitted, eyes slipping shut as he reached up to brush your hair from your face. “I spent the last two months...hating myself for how I acted last time I saw you. I thought you not being here was all my fault…” Chase made a soft, sad sound, cupping your face as you finally looked up at him.

“I...had things I needed to do, that night...I always intended to come back, to see you, to make everything right, but...my plans backfired, and I just had to disappear for a little while. I should’ve reached out, and I’m sorry.” Sniffling, you let him pull you close, until his arms were around your shoulders, your body slumped against his. “Nothing that happened was your fault.”

“....will you stay now?” you whispered, slipping your arms around his waist.

“As long as you’ll let me.”

#baezen #togwc #chase collins #chase collins x reader #the covenant

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bouncyirwin · 5 years ago

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KakaSaku Fic Rec | Readers’ Favourites

This took forever. Mainly because I had to retrieve the links myself, but it’s finally here! I present to you the KakaSaku fanfiction recommended by this fandom through comments, messages and asks per my request. Thank you to everyone who sent in their recs and to those who recommended some of my writings. Happy reading! Find 50 fics under the cut. I added a (*) next to my personal absolute favourites if you’re interested ;) Although I should point out I haven’t read everything on this list yet!

A Study In Movement by @ila-moon-beam | Ongoing | M

Sakura juggles taking care of her 12- year- old, working as a nurse technician and exotic dancer. It's not an easy life, but it's the best she can do given what she has. What she isn't prepared for is Sarada's handsome teacher who she meets at the parent/teacher conference, as well as his surprise appearance at the strip club she preforms at one night with his friends.

Private Practice by @alienwritesstuff | Ongoing | M

When nineteen year old Kakashi is injured during a mission, it's Sakura's job to see that he is healed properly. But, Kakashi is interested in a bit more than the healing she can give him. [Age Swap AU]

Nama-Stay Away From Me by @the-copy-mistress | Ongoing | M

When Sakura’s impeccable schedule keeps getting thrown by her gym’s ever tardy yoga teacher, she decides to give him a piece of her mind. Things do not go as she predicted. Modern AU.

Moment You Loved Her (back) by LindtLuirae | Completed | T

Some things are just worth breaking for. KakaSaku AU.

Hungry Hearts by @ila-moon-beam | Ongoing | M

Sakura is a single mom who works tirelessly to finish her bachelor's degree. She does what many other single moms her age do; they go to school, they work, they take care of their children. Except, things are different for Sakura in her last semester of her college career. Her daughter, Sarada, will be staying with her grandfather, she will be TAing for this mysterious new Professor at her university, and she will soon find a familiar face coming back to haunt her; determined to reconcile their family.

Everyone Goes to Tsunade’s by @mrssakurahatake | Ongoing | M

1920s AU, After their long term business partner forces them out, Tsunade and Jiraiya decide to open their own New Orleans speakeasy. Business isn't going well, can a new house band help them turn things around?

Into Darkness by @lady-otori | Ongoing | M

For Sakura, being the granddaughter of the head of the largest Yakuza clan in Shikkotsu wasn't easy. For Kakashi, being forced to consider marriage with the Fire Country's most spoiled Yakuza princess was worse. When the wolf and the dragon of the criminal underworld go head to head, bystanders had better look for cover. [KakaSaku] [Yakuza AU] [Arranged Marriage]

The Beginning, the Middle, and the Coda by @lady-otori | Complete | M

The beginning, the middle, and the coda to Kakashi and Sakura's relationship, in which it all begins when he expresses the most important thing in the most awkward way possible. A three-part series of interconnected oneshots, exploring three different stages of their love. [KakaSaku] [Fluff] [Smut]

Reciprocity by @sparkswithyou | Complete | M

On a mission gone wrong, one thing goes right.

Insatiable by @somnificsheep | Complete | M

Sakura tugs the covers back to reveal dark, pleading eyes looking up at her. “If you don’t mind it in the shower,” she says. “Some of us--” she leans down to nuzzle his forehead-- “have work to get to.”

“Maa, Sakura, anyone else might think you’re calling me lazy,” he drawls. “I’m simply taking advantage of having some time off, is all.”

House of Crows by SilverShine | Complete | M *

KakaSaku. War is coming to Konoha and Sakura is far from home, uncertain of her future. But one thing is for sure, Sakura will protect her unborn child at all costs, whether it be from Konoha's enemies... or from its own father.

Crowns Of Blood And Bone by @raendown | Complete | T

He hates and hates and hates until he loves her, slowly and in small pieces.

Daughter of Fire by JulietteDeschemps | Ongoing | M

Sakura got up and didn’t bother brushing the dirt from her dress. She had a feeling she was about to get even dirtier.

She looked at the memorial stone one last time, memorizing the characters without even realizing she was doing it. It would serve from that moment on as a reminder of her determination. She wouldn’t let Naruto and Sasuke join the names carved on that stone.

That was her nindo.

you'll never leave me behind by PersephoneHemingway | Completed | M

Sakura went ANBU and Kakashi hasn't seen her in a while. They face certain truths.

Masks by madstoryteller999 | Ongoing | T

When Sakura walks home after sending Naruto and the Sasuke Retrieval Squad off, the last thing she expects is to be attacked. What she could have never anticipated is that evening changing...everything.

In which: Sakura's Inner is far more diabolical than anyone ever expected, crows demonstrate themselves to be cruel mentors, the complications of selfdom in ANBU are realized, and Sakura learns exactly how much she hates Kakashi (and how alike they are in the most terrible of ways)

Pink Clouds by CharredCitadel | Ongoing | M

Konoha has fallen to Danzo, and Sakura has fled far away...right into the arms of the Akatsuki. Who would have thought that life as a missing nin could be so liberating?

Wish I Knew You by LindtLuirae | Ongoing | T

A lost bet and a forced dare brings two lonely losers together. Sakura never thought something as absurd-sounding as the 'No More Lonely Losers' program would land none other than Konoha's hottest bachelor and her long-time crush in her lap. KakaSaku. Rating might be upped later.

Mariposa by WhiskeyBlair | Ongoing | M

It wasn’t until he found himself getting a face full of skull fragments and brain matter that he even realized he was being rescued

To Grow A Garden by Wolfy Tales | Complete | T *

"So what do you think about having a kid with me, Sakura?" - A family focused one-shot [KakaSaku]

Follow Your Nose by @tipsyraconteur | Complete | M

Sakura decides to find her signature scent. Kakashi "helps". Things get out of hand. (Kakasaku. One-shot.)

In Case of Blue Scroll by Leola Majora | Complete | M *

In Case of Blue Scroll the Hokage must lock himself in his office and pull his hair out as what he thought were memories of a long lost love turn out to be the memories of a mission he was about to assign his former student, Sakura Haruno.

Konoha Files by @mummapaintstheblues | Ongoing | M

Exactly one year since his partner's untimely murder, Detective Kakashi Hatake is forced back into active duty.

He is paired with up and coming Detective Sakura Haruno.

Through their work together, not only do they catch a killer, but Kakashi begins to see a fresh new hope to the dismal world around him. But is this new partnership enough for him to abandon the darkness altogether?

Kakashi Candyman by @xoxoendoh | Complete | M

"Just how much did you drink before coming down here?"

"Sakura," Kakashi murmured darkly, trailing his hands down her thighs as he knelt at her feet, "I'm still thirsty."

Kakashi notices that his wife could use a little 'de-stressing' before hosting the Halloween Benefit Gala…. —Swalloween2018, KakaSaku, NC17—

Adaline by @nikkigrand | Ongoing | T *

I would choose you in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I would find you and I would choose you.

I pecan U by merrrcurius | Ongoing | M

It all started with a twig and a razor. The pecans didn't count because they didn't work.

Kakashi's just doing his duty as Captain.

It takes them places.

Discoveries in Oil by @nikkigrand | Complete | G *

Kakashi always knew that he would always be there for Sakura, even when she belonged to someone else. Birth AU

The Fletcher's Heart Paradox by @Moonlady9 | Completed | M

They are familiar yet total strangers. She knew their names but not the kind of people they were in this moment in time, she knows who they are from her moment in time. 28 years is a long time for people to change, but how much will Sakura change? How long will her heart stay steadfast, now in this new time. Time changes people, and their hearts.

House Calls by Spoiled Sweet | Complete | M *

Always the Team Mom, Sakura opens up her home as a clinic for the hospital-phobic ninja of Konoha. At the same time, her relationship with Kakashi begins to evolve in a way she never expected. M for swearing and later content.

make it holy by faeritell | Complete | T

Neither Kakashi nor Sakura welcomed the names on their skin.

Duty Before Honor by SilverShine | Complete | M *

[KakaSaku] Sakura knew why Tsunade didn’t want a virgin on this mission. Things might get out of hand. Acts might be carried out too far. She was glad Kakashi was accompanying her, but right then she wouldn’t have minded the entire population of Konoha.

The Cabinet Door by @itslulu42 | Complete | M

It says something about her, she thinks, that the only thing tying her to sanity is a talking dog.

Everything But The Kitchen Sink by @itslulu42 | Ongoing | M

Kakashi must have angered a god in a previous life. Why else would his soulmate be such a walking cliché? A Kakasaku Variety Pack of Modern Day AUs!

Omega Erased by @ila-moon-beam | Ongoing | M

A shift in equality caused a change in the dynamic between Alphas and Omegas. With the emergence of Alpha woman, the hierarchy reflected as such. Alphas began to mate with Alphas, simply using Omegas for their respective heats and ruts.

They were seen as play things. As a means to an end. As anything but equal to an Alpha. It had been this way for the past hundred years, society punishing Omegas for bringing out the worst in Alphas.

It was an Alpha world, and Sakura was just living in it.

A dystopian omegaverse.

Double Edged by nimblnymph | Complete | M *

Seduction is like a double-edged sword. You never know when you'll go from being the seducer to being the seduced.

your most important person by @fineillsignup | Complete | M

Some people got their soulmarks on their arms or faces or some other place that was more difficult to hide. He remembered how Minato-sensei’s hair would sometimes be lifted by the wind enough to reveal “Uzumaki Kushina dattebane!” written boldly across the back of his neck in crimson. His teacher had sometimes laughed in his gentle way about it, saying that fate was determined to make things easy for him.

Your Most Important Person

Or, Kakashi tries to fight fate and fate fights back.

Or, how many ways can a soulmark screw you over?

Or, sometimes you just have to take what you can get.

the malady of solitude by moonvalentine | Complete | T

A few years after the war, they're still trying to regain their footing.

Friendship by Numbers series by Oroburos69 | Ongoing | M

Sakura's too young, Kakashi's too...different, and neither knows what to do with a real, live friend. Clueless and incompetent, they stumble down the path of friendship, accidentally getting naked and engaged along the way. Seriously.

Take my past and take my sins by @thekatthatbarks | Complete | M

Sakura narrowed her eyes at him, not wanting him to play it off like he always did. Her hands came up to his face. “You look like you haven’t slept in months, Kakashi.” Before he could respond, her hands went down to his waist and she tugged at the hem of his pants. Unsurprisingly, there was slack. “And you’ve lost weight.”

“Sakura –“ Kakashi started, grabbing the hand that was at his pants.

A thought crossed her mind, making her blood go cold as she realized. She cut him off with a glare, “You picked up the mask again, didn’t you?”

A Poor Imitation by leafygirl | Complete | M

Sakura is injured on a mission, forgetting everything she knew of life in Konoha.

The Samurai and the Oni Girl by selberias | Complete | T

AU KakaSaku set in Edo-period Japan. Sakura is the descendant of a red-haired foreigner as well as a merchant's daughter. Kakashi is a local samurai who has fallen on hard times, a man whose pride has been broken down to this point. Love comes after.

It's Something Unpredictable (But in the End is Right) by BasicallyAnIdiot | Completed | G

The problem was not that Sakura broke into his apartment.

It was that she had opinions about his defences.

Scar Tissue by @TipsyRacounteur | Complete | M

She comes to him on the type of day that he has way too often—the type of day that almost breaks a man—and she asks him to let her take care of him. And just like that, he starts to let her in, without ever even meaning to. (For KakaSaku Month 2018 Healing Prompt.)

Better Man by Kakashisgf | Complete | M

Sakura and Sasuke have been married for over a decade, but things are far from perfect, and Sakura's beginning to realize that maybe she deserves better. KakaSaku

Say it Again by @nyxako | Ongoing | M

A story in which Kakashi loses his hearing during a mission, only to later realize that the only thing he can hear anymore is the sound of Sakura's voice. [KakaSaku]

The Taste Of Fire by @alienwritesstuff | Ongoing | M *

**Hogwarts AU** Like a moth to the flame, Kakashi couldn't seem to stay away from her. He knows it's wrong, knows it's too dangerous. But, he's drawn to the fire. And fires like these tear the whole world apart.

Aposematism by @youngjusticewriter | Ongoing | T

Pretty things were dangerous more often than not. They had to be.

Don’t you know that the world has a tendency of yanking beautiful things up and leaving them to slowly die wherever they were taken to?

Dear fellow traveler by youngjusticewriter | Ongoing | M

“You’re thinking too much. Let me make you stop,” Sukea offered and, yes, his voice was different but Sakura liked it even if something about it made her mind inch.

“Okay,” she agreed before closing her eyes. She didn’t want to (see the world, she just wanted to wake up to find out the mission had been a bad dream) see Sukea and think on the things that she kept picking up on from him. All Sakura wanted was to be Chinami who was just a traveler just like Sukea was. A traveler who didn’t have people’s lives slip through her hands because she wasn’t good enough.

Destroy the middle, it’s a waste of time by youngjusticewriter | Ongoing | T

“Another one?” Mrs. Takahashi asked, “You’re going to burn yourself out.”

(You’re not good enough to keep working; you can’t endure like others do. You’re too young. You’re supposed to just wait around until your teammates get back because those who abandon their teammates are worst than scum.

And Sakura wanted to laugh despite the loneliness that had dug itself into her skin, and had made her bleed, so not to be shaken off.

They left - they left and now it was just her so why should she wait until they got back? She wasn’t a piece of cake that could be discarded.

Sakura had wanted Sasuke and now she wanted to be better in serving her village. Her crush, her teammate, refuting her didn’t stop her chasing after him even though she should have respected his choice. What was their opinions, strangers opinions, compared to that?)

Then I burn, were the words Sakura wanted to spill out from her tongue, to spew out as though they were poison she studied and used, and I get up from my ashes.

Don’t slam the door, Sakura thought as paws pressed into her hand as though to hold it. It (having to pay for another door) wouldn’t be worth it.

(Don't) lay me to sleep by youngjusticewriter | Ongoing | G

Sakura doesn’t need defending though.

Sakura smiled at the girl, because that’s what Ami is and what Sakura hasn’t been since her dreams started, with tired eyes (with eyes too old because that’s what happens when your soulmate is a jonin with a pretty painted mask).

You got to choose before the choice is pulled from you by youngjusticewriter | Complete | G

Kakashi didn’t greet her with an apology, a lie, or even with a hello. (He wasn’t too for gone that he had neglected himself to point he couldn’t sense her coming.)

That’s okay because Sakura doesn’t smile up at him, she doesn’t (lie) promise everything is going to be okay, nor does she greet her husband like she would have this morning if he wasn’t already out of the house. Sakura didn’t even take one of Kakashi’s hands into her own and give it a small squeeze in comfort, in a subtle way to remind him she was still here. No, instead Sakura exhaled the breath she had been holding in and it doesn’t remove the heaviness she feels in her chest.

“You need to come home.” Sakura doesn’t ask for him to do it for her even though Sakura had too lost their child. (We’re not dead, Sakura wanted to yell, and if you continue to keep your company with them, with the dead, then one day when you do come home we might just have become the company you prefer to keep. We might just become the dead you idolize because you were too late in life to realize how much your loved ones meant to you.)

Ceremonial by youngjusticewriter | Complete | T

With bloodied lips and sharp canines Kakashi smiles at the sight - it’s only for a night after all. In the past he had tried to shove it down, had never voiced that sin unlike the others (so many others) to the tombstones of his fallen comrades, but he’s dying now. He can have it just for a little bit. The air is hard to breath in, its too cold or maybe he’s too out of breath, and there’s clothe from his destroyed mask in his bloodied mouth but that’s okay. It’ll be over soon.

Twisted fingers - Kakashi could actually see a bone poking out of one - reach up to touch but it’s too late.

come through (like the sweetener you are) by exarite | Complete | M

Kakashi was not Sakura's sugar daddy.

(Or was he?)

It Wasn't Even Us In The End by tedthedead | Complete | M

How many years?

How many years had he been lovesick, a yearning child needy for her comforting touch, a desperate man aching for the soft silk of her skin?

#kakasaku #fic rec #fan fiction #romance #angst #family #hurt/comfort #smut #drama #one shot #multichaptered #kakashi hatake #sakura haruno #naruto

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siempre-pedro · 5 years ago

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My Kid Punched His Kid |6|

Single Dad!Teacher!Ben Hardy x Single Mom!Reader

Summary: A playground fight between two 8-year-olds bring together 2 lonely single parents.

In This Chapter: Family dinner!

Word Count: 1.3k

A/N: Here’s part 6 everybody!!! thank you all for your patience, this isn’t the best I’m a little rusty PLEASE COMMENT, I LOVE THE FEEDBACK!

TAGLIST IS CLOSED

It seemed the curbside drop off was getting longer and longer over the past two months. Y/N rested her elbow on the armrest, her hand balled into a fist. The long line of cars wasn’t moving at all, kids ever so slowly trickling out of them. Her heeled foot tapped the floorboard in annoyance. Y/N bit her lip in frustration as her shoulders slumped “That’s it,” she growled through gritted teeth, angrily pulling out of the line and parking, violently stopping the car.

“Mom!” Abby gasped as she fell forward, hitting her forehead on the soft material of the read rest. She gasped again and looked up in the rearview mirror, sighing in relief to see her space buns still intact.

“Are you alright? This is why you wear your seat belt all the time,” Y/N lectures. Abby’s blue eyes lowered, huffing as she grabbed her backpack. Lesson learned.

Abby grumpily gets out of the car and pulls on her backpack, clenching on to her coat as they cross the street in between the roaring cars. Y/N held open the door and walked into the nearly empty lobby. “Goodmorning Alice,” Y/N greeted as she approaches the light brown wood desk. The older woman turned around and pushed up her large glasses.

“Good morning, Ms. Y/N. Abagail, you look, wonderful Darling,” she coos. Abby grins and raises her shoulders.

“Alice, what’s with curb? I know the weathers getting a little colder but damn,” Y/N laughs.

Alice’s red lips smirk “Oh Dear, it’s not the weather,” she chuckles. She grabbed a few books off her desk and pressed them against her chest “Ever since our Mr. Jones got a girlfriend all the moms don’t bother to come in,” she explains.

Y/N dips her head, she was the reason? She smiled and her cheeks turned a light pink “Good for him,” she says happily, almost in a whisper.

Alice puts the remainder of her book on the shelf next to her, she checks to make sure the coast was clear before leaning against the desk “You make him very happy, Y/N. Both of you deserve happiness,” she tells her sweetly. Y/N’s breath hitched, her eyes widening. Were they that obvious?

“H-how did you know?” she asks cautiously.

“Receptionists know everything,” Alice laughs with a roll of her eyes. “He’s on playground duty this week, you can find him there.”

Y/N takes Abby by the hand and nods “Thank you, Alice.”

After a long walk to the hallway, they opened the door and a rush of cold wind made them both shutter. Y/N’s Y/E/C eyes caught sight of the blond-haired teacher. He was smiling as a group of 5-year-old play ring around the rosy around him. Her heart started to flutter as she made her way to him, she began to feel nervous. That is until he looked up at her, his green eyes even greener with the overcast weather.

“Good morning, Ms. Y/L/N. Morning Tabby,” he smiles, shooing off the young ones around him.

“Morning Be- Mr. Jones,” Abby smiled shyly, correcting herself. Ben chuckled and place his hands on his lips, his lips formed a lopsided smile.

“Your fan club seems to be dwindling,” Y/N comments looking over to only see 5 moms in their tightest yoga pants staring at the young teacher.

“Well I only need one fan,” he responds, pushing back his blond curls.

“Abby!” James cheers as he runs up, the faux fur of his coat bouncing with every step. The boy crashed into his friend making her giggle. While the two interacted, Y/N phone began to buzz violently in her pocket. She rejected the call over and over, trying to hold a conversation with Ben. It kept on buzzing, she grimaces and pulls her phone out.

“Sorry, hold on,” she apologizes and steps away to answer the phone. Ben watched her tense figure pace back and forth, her finger pressed against her forehead in annoyance. This wasn’t good, he observed. When she came back her face looked panicked. “That was my publisher, they want me in for meetings today,” she sighs. Ben raised an eyebrow, how was it a problem? “I won’t be out till 6 and I have no one to watch Abby. I have to pull her out of school today.”

Ben reached forward and placed his hand on her bicep lovingly “I can watch her after school,” he offers kindly. His comments got the attention of their kids, who stopped everything and looked at the adults with hopeful eyes.

“I can’t ask you to do that.”

“I insist.”

“Ben!”

“Y/N, it’s no problem,” Ben deadpanned.

Y/N looked at Ben and then back at the kids “Fine, fine. I don’t know how to repay you.”

Ben smirked “Come to dinner? I’ll make something. I think it’s time for us to do that with them,” he whispers the last part of his sentence. She looked down at her toes in thought, he was right it’d been a while since they got together.

“Ok, yeah,” she started to laugh, tucking her hair behind her ear. Ben removes his hand and puts it in his pocket.

“So 7?” he smirks.

“7,” she repeats. She bends down and looks at Abby “Please be good.”

Abby rolls her eyes and nods “I promise, Mom,” she groans.

Y/N thanks Ben again and races off towards the doors. She wanted to love the idea of their tiny families coming together but she was scared. Scared of falling for Ben even more, scared of Abby loving ben like a father. She couldn’t take that heartbreak if her and Ben didn’t work out. Of course what if they did? And those dinners became more frequent. She hated hope.

Y/N’s day was so painfully slow, checking the clock in the office many times for the minute hand to not move an inch. She was definitely distracted, her mind couldn’t grasp the idea of someone was actually waiting for her to get home. That person who wasn’t her daughter or her mother waiting for her pick Abby up.

Soon she stood at Ben’s front door, the last time she was her Ben wrapped her up in his arms connected by a drunken kiss. She nervously took her hand and knocked on the wooden door, she could hear the quick patters of feet run towards it. “Mom!” Abby cheers as she opens the door, James right behind her, grinning.

“Hello, Darling,” she greets as she rubs her back, reaching forward to scruff up James’ head of curls. “Where’s your dad?”

“I think in the kitchen?” he responds, his nose scrunching. James took her by the hand and lead her to the kitchen. She knew this kitchen very well.

“Y/N!” Ben greets with a wide smile. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and a blue and white striped dishtowel draped over his shoulder “How was work?”

“Awfully boring,” she tells him, James not letting go of her hand, Abby soon joined and took her other hand.

Ben quickly walked around the counter and kissed her softly on the lips “You’re late,” he tells her, mockingly. It wasn’t mocking to her ‘you’re fucking late again Y/N. Where the fuck is my dinner.’ Grants words haunt her ears. Oh shit. Was Ben going to be the same way? No, no. He wasn’t Grant. Ben was sweet and kind, and annoying. “I’m glad you are though! I burnt the other sauce. I hope a jar sauce is ok?”

Y/N snapped out of her memory and smiled, laughing at his misfortune “That’s fine Ben thank you.” Ben wasn’t like him.

The kids helped Ben with the bowls of food, happily and carefully taking it to the table. The kids giggled and Ben laughed along with them as they set the table, Abby helping to organize the silverware for James. She sat at the end of the table, opposite Ben, the kids on the other side.

Ben looked up at her and smiled and with that smile, something snapped inside her. This vision of a blended family, a girl with no dad, a lonely boy who was longing to be happy, a man who had his heart shattered, and a woman was abused like no one should be. It was all unfolding right here. The feeling was pounding inside her chest, oh fuck, she knew what it was and she was scared of it.

She was falling in love with Ben ‘you stupid bitch,’ she thought to herself.

Link to masterlist/playlist (totally recommend reading with the playlist on)

taglist: if you have been crossed out Tumblr will not let me tag you! Im so sorry

@florenceivy//@everybodyplaythegame//@jalcolmjeed//@itstonimydudes// @sunshine112// @virtualsheepeat//@ixchel-9275// @onceuponadetectivedemigod // @roger-the-killer-queen // @hemmofluke // @cosmicsskies // @itstonimydudes // @poteda // @valeriecarolinaw // @atzinxanath // @magicwithaknife // @sweetthangbaby // @yxseminx // @horror-w3irdo // @lelifesaver // @dreamer821 // @financialinstability // @angiiee25 // @nopeko // @monochromedeacon // @theflybi // @glitterdreamsz // @dtftheavengers // @discodeakyy // @roger-taylors-drumsticks // @mrsmazzello // @sweetjellytine // @miss2001babe // @bellas2silly // @spreadymercury // @ramibaby // @killahqueennn // @sherlocked-to-the-tardis // @letmelivetaylor // @rogertaylorscigarettes // @maddistudiess // @aedeluca // @this-cute-shit-xo // @hardzzellos // @cyndagoaway // @agirlwithpointlessideas // @johnricharddeaconn

#ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy x you #ben hardy fanfic #borhap #bohemian rhapsody

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worryingthing · 4 years ago

Video

youtube

Illuminati Hotties - Frequent Letdown

I was thinking of a little project, to maybe help pull me up, or maybe center me, stear me a bit off of the course of nihilist depression I’ve been on. A meditation of sorts, through the Tarot, if and when I feel like it. Writing helps me sort my thoughts, usually? It’s the start of Leo season and I feel squirmy about that because I feel the opposite of my worth and the complete void of confidence lately. It’s almost August and I’ve been to the beach one time!! and even then it felt like risking our lives potentially? to be nourished, by the sea, the thing I extremely desperately need to wash away all the crowding stray thoughts and sneaky trauma that has settled in comfortably during this time of quarantine. I haven’t been on the Subway since March 13th. I’m unemployed, not playing music at all, and struggling not to be disappointed when I wake up dreading every day. So, a little exercise I guess? The song is there because I like it and that’s how I feel. I listened to it while I shuffled and drew my card. For the curious I am using the classic Smith-Waite tarot deck, I like the clarity of traditional decks’ imagery. It tells a story well.

For this first entry I pulled the Ace of Pentacles. It looks like a hand from a Monty Python illustration is floating out of a cloud and holding a big coin, which has a star in the center. Pen-TA-CULLS . I know this suit represents the earth signs, money and all, right? I’m a Taurus sun and rising and no one is surprised. Anyway this card has the floating hand and it’s coin and it also has a garden underneath, and the garden has what look like tall lilies blooming, and then there is a hedge with an archway, and the hedge has red flowers or leaves, and the archway gives way to a view of a pale blue mountain. There is a little worn path that leads to and through the arch. There is grass and growth and lusciousness and what I sense from this card is its statement of possibility. Let’s check Biddy Tarot though:

No matter the occasion, the Ace of Pentacles heralds a sense of prosperity and abundance in the material or financial areas of your life. It undoubtedly comes as a welcome invitation – but it is not a free ride. As with all Aces in the Tarot deck, this card illustrates the possibility of a new endeavor but does not guarantee its manifestation or success. That piece is up to you.

Ok, so full disclosure, a while ago my friend and I talked about illustrating a tarot deck where cards would be paired with songs. We began outlining the project but then, of course, life happened. So forgive me if this exercise constantly brings me back to song, but that is the realm of my old self that my present self just sort of woefully drags around like a deflated homunculus. Anyway this reminds me of (course!) of Springsteen. In truly the most devastating call out I’ve ever felt encountered in lyric form:

You can hide 'neath your covers And study your pain Make crosses from your lovers Throw roses in the rain Waste your summer praying in vain

Ok, so Biddy Tarot also says this: See the Ace of Pentacles as your ‘green light’. It marks the initial stages of manifesting your goals and assures you that you can truly achieve what you have set your mind to do. The world is your oyster and, through careful planning and determined effort, you can manifest your goals and desires. Your ideas are ready to turn into something tangible and real! This card encourages you to map out how you will achieve your ambitions, create targeted plans and get those actions underway. Keep your eyes open for chances to manifest your goals and realise your inner potential.

To be quite honest I wasn’t expecting this much of a doozy with my first pull for this weird, blog accountability thing I made up. But then the next verse of the song goes on to say: Well I got this guitar, and I learned how to make it talk.

Which is of course, abstractly, a goal of mine. I’d love to get good enough to pen a few jangly tunes. I know I could do it? but also I’ve no idea how to continue with music after everything, but I do miss it, and lately I’ve been lusting after a reasonably priced mini amp. I also need actual life direction, which is a huge bummer, and frankly too much to consider in the midst of a pandemic where everyone I know is lucky to even be employed, or alive, at best. D also wants to get out of this country, and who can blame him? It’s so hard to think about now though, what would I be losing? the friends I can’t see, the trains I can’t take, the live music scene I’m unsure will ever recover? 34 is an odd weird year to lose to nothingness this way. Everyone just wants me to have a baby. and i want a single fucking hour of peace and alone time, and to learn all of my favorite guitar riffs without being absolutely overcome by grief of missing the music community I formerly took part in (That’s not all I want, obviously, but I could really use everyone else getting a grip about telling me I need to procreate!!!). ANYWAY the tarot further says:

This Ace signifies abundance in all areas of your life. Enjoy it! Feel blessed and deserving of everything that comes your way. If you wish to amplify this feeling of prosperity, live by the Law of Attraction and send your positive energy and intent into the Universe so you will receive more in return.

I am pretty sure I can do that. I sent a friend chocolate this week. I have donated variously when I can to places in support of protests and bail funds. I did some yoga today and then did an online figure drawing session, which was me directly trying to make time for myself. I made bread last night and then baked it this afternoon and ate some for dinner as a broccoli melt. and now I am doing this. I made space for myself and made myself be thankful. I am taking myself by the scruff and forcing my face into the food bowl of existence and making myself appreciate it, even when it has felt excruciating. I’m treading water when I want to be laying down under the waves and merging with the silt. I don’t know. Maybe this will help or maybe I’ll abandon it. It probably would have been smarter to do a spread and not just one card? But a new season? and whether mockingly or not this card seems to feel I have an opportunity to rise to and meet?

#july #tarot #tarot diary

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brujeria-histeria · 5 years ago

Text

The Surprise

hacy fic for @theballetslippertheblackhoodie prompt: Harry finds out he’s going to be a father ......again.

Harry has had many bad days but this had to be one of the worst, maybe the the worst day of his second life. It had actually started last night though and the usually upbeat whitelighter didn’t let last night’s fumble try to ruin his day today, but oh no fate insisted his day be ruined.

First, last night his date with his Girlfriend, Macy was cancelled. She was running late from a science conference on the future of bioengineering and space and had grabbed something to eat at the conference center’s cafe. Then when she finally got home they at least tried to fit in some intimacy and Macy was too tired, again, to keep going, he let her fall asleep on his chest then slid out of bed and went to the bathroom for a cold shower.

Macy hadn’t been wanting to get intimate with him, sexually, for the past two weeks except once for one round of love making. When he gently asked her if everything was ok and if had done anything wrong she denied it and kissed him and told him how sweet he was. He was beginning to question if she wasn’t that into him anymore, if she only got with him on a whim and a year and 3 months into their relationship maybe her affection for him sizzled out. He shook his head under the cold water and tried not to let those thoughts intrude again. He’d do anything for Macy to be happy, but it hurt him to think it might mean to let her go if it would make her happy again.

Then today he had gone to work as usual, and was checking his twitter and was of course doing numbers with the academia side of twitter but spied a suspicious activity of tweets in his mentions. A faceless twitter troll had taken to attacking his person, calling him and women in general all sorts of unsavory names and slurs, while he blocked and reported the troll instead of engaging them, it made his blood boil when the troll especially said very tasteless and racist things about his Macy, when he tweeted an article done on her recently. You could insult him, but never insult women and never ever insult the woman he loves. He stormed to his office and set down his things with his research text making a slam. If his day couldn’t get any worse in walked in Professor Crollins, the head of the political science department to bother him. She was an older woman, in comparison to his physical 37 and her actual age of 53, and she apparently was very into Harry’s “vibe” as Maggie put it after she busted out laughing when he told her of the predicament. The situation of Crollin’s infatuation had began a few weeks ago when a benefactor and tenured professor of the school wanted both department heads to work together to form a joint class for next semester’s class options.

“Hello, Professor Greenwood. I came by to drop off another rubric for a possible project for next semester class. I can’t wait to teach it with you, I’m sure it’ll be an enriching experience for everyone involved.” she smiled.

Harry internally shuddered, it wasn’t well known outside his charges that he was in a committed relationship with the resident head of the science lab, Dr. Macy Vaughn. And even though it wasn’t public he had told Prof Crollins that he was not available to go out for drinks, ever, the last time she asked him to grab a drink with her.

“Actually Prof. Crollins I’m not going to be teaching that class, my TA Melanie Vera will be taking it. I offered her the position yesterday and the benefactor interviewed her.” He stated. Prof. Collins straightened and fixed him with a look.

“What is it with you and those Vera Girls, and the other one that’s their sister. You’re around them an awful lot, in fact don’t you live with them? I thought you had your own place?” she accused.

“Um, we’re family, of sorts.” he fidgeted. He tried to tone down his public appearances with the girls he could excuse Mel because of her work in the women’s studies department, but not with poor Maggie who got some weird looks when he escorted her around arm in arm to discuss demon and witch things. They started using the excuse that he was their “Uncle” of sorts from their dad’s side, except Macy who just would call him a close friend.

“Hmph, well if that’s how you want it.” she walked off in a huff, and Harry exhaled, now he was annoyed and upset by a twitter troll and a woman who couldn’t understand the word no.

After that his day was just full of little stupid things that just added on to his annoyance. His favorite tie got ruined when someone tripped into him with their Starbucks drink and even though he orbed home to change shirts the tie was completely stained. He got into a heated discussion with one of his headstrong students who he hated to refer to them as, but it was true, a pain in his arse. The student even annoyed Mel with how bold and one track minded they were. His lunch went poorly too as he couldn’t even leave his office because he was swamped with papers, his tea supply had ran out, which he cursed himself for not realizing it, and he’d forgotten his lunch. He had to eat some rubbish tasting crisp from the vending machine. Macy had barely texted him back all day. Now he was feeling really shitty....

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Macy was thinking of a way to tell Harry the big news, she was pregnant, and 6 weeks along. She had tested herself 2 or so weeks ago, and a test she did at the lab confirmed she was pregnant, with a baby, by Harry. She had been nervous for the past couple of weeks since finding out, unsure of how to tell Harry, but she decided to do it tonight in a casual way because she could feel Harry getting more upset with himself as the days passed, knowing Harry he probably was beating himself up about whatever he thought he did wrong, which he did nothing wrong.

The night their baby to be was conceived was a night Macy remembered and she knew exactly what day it was. Mother’s Day, she was sad as hell that day along with her sisters and after they all celebrated it together, in honor of Marisol(and Mama Roz) she sat in her room crying because while she braved it, it was a reminder that she didn’t really know her mother as well as her sisters. She released the pain that caused her to lose her mind to the Source 2 years ago but she still felt a human pain inside. Harry had found her and she had him take her surface pain away by replacing it with pleasure and comforted her with kisses and passion.

She actually had left work early and made her way out on a task of shopping at multiple stores. She picked up soft wool yarn & a guide on how to knit for beginners, color swatches, some premium tea(for Harry), a toddler’s sectioned plate(it was so cute she couldn’t resist snagging the last one), and a prenatal yoga book. She of course knew it was too early to be buying some things, she had hear fears about her own baby’s health but she decided to focus on positive things. Like her adding another member to the Vera-Vaughn-Greenwood family. She was so engrossed in shopping she didn’t noticed Harry had texted her a few times. When she made it back home, she texted Harry that she was off work a little early and she’d be at home if he wanted to see her. He texted back ‘Yes, Please.’

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Harry dragged himself to his feet when he was finally done with a pile of papers, and orbed himself to the Vera Manor.

“Macy?” he called out.

“I’m in the living room Harry, could you make some tea? I bought some premium stuff from that high end food shoppe today.” she called back.

“Sure, my love.” he sighed, he really wanted some tea to be honest. Harry walked to the kitchen and found a plate with children’s characters on it, from that Sesame Street show, he thought maybe at first it was a childhood plate of one of the girls, but it looked brand new, it had dividers in it, maybe they wanted it for meal prepping?

“Macy, why is there a plate in here with elmo on it, is this one of Maggie’s new meal prep things?” he asked confused.

“Its toddler’s plate silly, for toddlers to eat out of.” she replied.

Hm, whatever, he learned to stop questioning the girls quirky antics further long ago. He inhaled the fresh tea and it almost made his rubbish day disappear. Once he got into the living room to cuddle it would be better. He made his tea tray up, and grabbed some small bite sized cookies he found, pink and blue sugar cookies.

“Macy, I’ve been wanting to see you all day darling.” He gazed at her with love. “Erm, what are you doing?”

“Hm?” she looked up. Macy was currently sitting on the couch surrounded by a big pile of jumbo sized yellow and white wool yarn. “Oh I’m going to learn how to knit, and make a small blanket.” she answered. “Maybe some little shoes or a scarf afterwards.”

“Macy, a knitted pair of shoes aren’t practical unless your a baby, which those are more like socks. Socks are more practical.”

“I also got some color swatches, I wonder which one is a little more gender neutral, maybe this pastel mint green or pastel yellow?” she asked.

“Either one seems fine, dear.” he said preparing their tea.”What for?”

She hummed with a grin, and he sat down next to her and shot back up to see the rectangular object he just sat on. “What is this?”

“Oh I picked up a new book for exercise.”

“Oh” he responded, pouring a cup of tea for her before reading the title.

“Prenatal Yoga for First Time Mothers.” he read aloud. “I’ve heard it’s actually quite good for women in pregnancy to take up specialized Yoga, in fact I was discussing the other day-” Harry paused for a minute, blinked, and turned his head slowly to Macy who was stirring some sugar in her tea. “Macy dear.... why did you buy a book of yoga for pregnant women?”

Macy sipped her tea, and looked at him with mischief in her eyes.

The fatigue of not wanting sex, the toddler’s plate, the yarn and knitting baby shoes, the book, the color swatches in colors suitable for a baby... bloody hell the pink and blue cookies... she’d even had been touching her belly a lot lately.... was Macy? Could she be?

“Are you?” his eyes began to gleam with tears threatening to burst in pure joy.

“You’re going to be a Father, again, Harry Greenwood. I’m 6 weeks pregnant!” she said setting down her tea cup, to clasp his hands.

“You are pregnant... you’re pregnant. I’m going to be a Father...” he stood up and scooped Macy up twirling her around, away from the yarn as to not trip. “I’M GOING TO BE A FATHER! OH, Macy, my love, I love you.” He kissed her all over her face. She laughed, and some tears of joy streamed down her face as well. They laughed and kissed for what seemed like ages.

“You wanna go celebrate?” she nuzzled her nose to his and nodded upstairs. He responded by kissing her.

Perhaps this was the happiest he’s been in a long time. This was one of the best days of his life.

#hacy #this one is safe lol

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profoundnet · 6 years ago

Text

Profound Member Post - February 2019

Header by @cryptomoon and is available on merch from her redbubble store. You can use all those fancy emojis (and more!) on our Discord Server!

The Masterpost is open for all creations by ProfoundBond members which are posted in entirely during that month.

MEMBER CONTRIBUTIONS FOR FEBRUARY 2019!

Masterpost below the cut.

MaggieMaybe160 - @maggiemaybe160 - MaggieMaybe160 (Pillowfort)

Listen To Me

Summary: Amara was given the thing she needed most so she gives Dean what he needs. What if John Winchester came back instead of Mary?

Tags: Major Character Death, Graphic Violence, Heavy Angst

SFW

Wandering Angel

Summary: From a prompt: When Sam and Dean died, Cas was still exiled.

Tags: Major Character Death mentioned, Heavy Angst, Song Fic

SFW

Come Into My Office

Summary: Castiel goes to work for Sandover when Zachariah kidnaps and brainwashes Sam and Dean. An office romance blooms when Dean has to call Castiel into his office.

Tags: Episode: It's a Terrible Life, Explicit Sex, Top Cas/Bottom Dean, Fluff/Smut/Light Angst

NSFW

The Valentine’s Date

Summary: Cas sets up the perfect date to tell Dean how he feels on Valentine's Day.

Tags: Season 14 Spoilers, Love Confessions, Angst

SFW

Reprogrammed

Summary: Castiel can't tell what's real and what's the brainwashing from Naomi.

Tags: Major Character Death, Graphic Violence, Episode: Goodbye Stranger, Heavy Angst

SFW

The Secrets That You Keep

Summary: Dean Winchester is allergic to shellfish.

Tags: Major Character Death, Allergies, Heavy Angst

SFW

I Am The Nightmare

Summary: Dean has been having night terrors and Cas is trying to help him as they become more dangerous.

Tags: Graphic Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Real Events

SFW

Defeat the Night||BAMF!Destiel

Summary: Supernatural Fan Video Tags: Demon Dean, BAMF SFW

casbean - @casbeanwrites - casbean

‘Til Dreams Do Us Part

Summary: Dean’s woken up in a hospital before. He doesn’t like it, but it’s part of the job. It happens. And he doesn’t mind it as much when the first thing he sees is his husband’s face. Castiel looks terribly grim, until he notices that Dean is awake. “Heya, sunshine,” Dean grins. His vision is still a little blurry and he flexes his fingers -- they still move. So do his toes. Good news. “Dean!” Sam enters his field of vision, the weary expression on his face morphing into relief. “Thank God, we didn’t know if--” “Hey, I’m fine.” Dean manages to stretch out his hand and pat Cas’ arm. “What happened?” “You don’t remember?” “Remember what?” “The Djinn got you. He kept you for five days, and your dream made him so strong he almost killed us both.”

Tags: Alternate Universe - Genie/Djinn, Djinn fic, Hurt/Comfort, Married Castiel/Dean Winchester, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending

NSFW

sharing

Summary: “This isn’t how I imagined we’d first share a bed,” Dean lets out without thinking about it.

Tags: Case Fic, Sharing a Bed, Mutual PiningHurt/Comfort, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Canon Compliant

SFW

spunk

Summary: “The spell calls for… angelic… um. Spunk.” “Spunk?” “Yeah, y’know.” “I don’t,” Cas frowns. “Sperm, Cas. We need your jizz for the spell.”

Tags: Fuck Or Die, Mutual Pining, First Time, First Kiss, Blow Jobs, Case Fic, Canon Compliant

NSFW

unlucky swap

Summary: “Dude, what the fuck did I say?” Sam huffs. And rolls his eyes. And despite the fact that it’s been over two weeks, Dean’s heart still squeezes at how Cas that gesture is. Because, well, it is Cas. Just stuck in the sasquatch body of Dean’s humongous brother.

Tags: Body Swap, Established Relationship, Married Castiel/Dean Winchester, Case Fic

SFW

Duck and Berries

Summary: A story about a meet cute, a duck confit, and a small matter of mistaken identity.

Tags: First Meetings, Falling In Love, team switch, Castiel and Jimmy Novak are Twins, Misunderstandings, Angst with a Happy Ending

NSFW

MalMuses - @malmuses - MalMuses (Pillowfort)

The Greatest International Love Story the World Has Ever Seen

Summary: Dean wasn’t the type of person who did this kind of thing. He just wasn’t. GISH?? Ugh. The whole thing was just further proof that Dean would do anything his brother wanted him to do. Why else would he be in a Stormtrooper costume, calling up his ex-girlfriend for a private yoga class? Had he been stuck in a rut that long? Given that he’d been pining for the same freakin’ guy, his professor and coworker no less, for three long years… maybe. Cas was definitely the type of person who did this kind of thing, not that many people knew that. He was one of the most well-respected professors at KSU. His students and coworkers didn’t need to know that he was captain of a GISH team, or that he knitted kinky accessories and made art with his online friends. His TA certainly didn’t need to know either. Just professionalism, of course. Nothing at all to do with the failed attempt at a relationship, three years of pining, and frequent inappropriate daydreams. A two-person love triangle with online friendships, costumes, and a lot of glitter.

Tags: AU - Modern Setting, Two person love triangle, Comedy of Errors, GISH, Mutual Pining, Dean Cas Pinkest 2019

NSFW

With accompanying art by blueeyesandpie (@blueeyesandpie)

drawlight - @drawlight - drawlight (Pillowfort)

The Crane In White

Summary: Once upon a time, there was a little crane who fell in love with a human. He prayed every night to be made human to be with his love. Once upon a time, Dean Winchester finds a white crane.

Tags: Fairytale, Falling In Love, Romance, Creature Castiel, Pining

NSFW

EllenOfOz - @ellen-of-oz - EllenOfOz

Dark Blue, Dark Blue

Summary: Written for Dean/Cas Pinefest 2019. In late 2006, Castiel and Dean are in the same guild and raid team in the online game, Moondoor. They only know each other by their character names: Niteryder and Thorsangel, but they hang out and chat whenever they’re not raiding. Dean is baffled though—no matter how much time they spend talking online, Angel never reveals anything about himself. That’s because Castiel is in hiding. At school he hides behind his emo image and stays as invisible as he can, but online he’s got to be extra-vigilant. He can’t reveal anything about himself to Ryder, as much as he might like to—doing so would risk bringing trouble down on himself and his mom. There’s something about Ryder that makes him easy to talk to, though. But outside of the game, ghosts from Castiel’s family’s past are out for revenge, and going back to Lawrence, KS to visit his friend Meg could put him in danger.

Tags: Alternate Universe - High School, MMORPGs, Gamer Castiel, Emo Castiel, Mutual Pining, Bi-Curious Dean Winchester, Long-Distance Friendship, Friends to Lovers

SFW

deaniewithalittleweanie - @deaniewithalittleweanie - deaniewithalittleweanie

Valentine’s Day 2019

Summary: Dean and Sam find a strange case in Chicago about a couple who confessed their long concealed crushes on one another and both had heart attacks during the throes of passion. Castiel tags along to investigate.

Tags: First Kiss, First time, Love Confessions, Case Fic

NSFW

Building Up

Summary: As Dean and Castiel's relationship progresses, Castiel realizes that Dean hasn't exactly had safe practices in the BDSM world, and now it's Castiel's job to show him the ropes...pun intended.

Tags: Dom Castiel, Sub Dean, BDSM, Punishment Scene, Aftercare

NSFW

NadiaHart - @hartlessfiction - NadiaHart (Pillowfort)

Thunder in The Library

Summary: Castiel’s work as the Head Librarian of The Grand Library of Magic and Lost Artifacts has him away on a last minute trip for far longer than he anticipated. By the time he returns, there’s a certain book who’s less than pleased with his inability to keep his word.

Tags: Magical Castiel, magic is known, Curses, Cursed Dean Winchester, Magical Dean Winchester, Fluff, Tooth Rotting Fluff, Librarian Castiel (Supernatural)

SFW

robotsnchicks - @robotsnchicks - robotsnchicks

Gimme The News

Summary: Dr. Novak crosses his arms and glares at Dean from across the room. “If you think there’s a foreign object lodged in your rectum then I suggest you go to the emergency room so they can take an x-ray and properly address the situation.” Dean sucks his lower lip in and then releases it into a pout. “Aw c'mon doc. I've got a ten dollar copay here. If I go to the hospital I'm looking at a couple hundred minimum.” He spends some time admiring the strong length of the doctor's hands. “Besides I'd much rather have my favorite doctor’s fingers in me than some stranger at the ER.”

Tags: Doctor!Cas, Patient!Dean, Medical Kink, Humor and Smut

NSFW

Aceriee - @missaceriee

Grand Gestures

Summary: Valentine’s Day art

SFW

EmiliaOagi - EmiliaOagi

Presenting Dean Winchester

Summary: Dean finally start presenting his secondary gender, and Castiel has an unexpected reaction to Dean's new scent. A somewhat different take on a/b/o, set in a canon-divergent universe somewhere around season 8/9

Tags: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Omega Dean Winchester, Alpha Castiel

NSFW

elanor-n-evermind - @elanor-n-evermind - elanor-n-evermind

Pride Flags of the Oddly Shaped Empty A/B/O Universe

Summary: Secondary pride flags inspired by Jemariel's fic Oddly Shaped Empty

Tags: A/B/O dynamics, genderqueer, beta Dean, alpha Castiel

SFW

iCeDreams - iCeDreams

Dean's Top 13 Zepp Traxx

Summary: Dean's love language is told not in words, but in songs. In the notes of his favorite rock band and the rhythm of their melodies. His longest unfinished work is composed of Led Zeppelin songs, chosen for the feelings they evoke. It's Dean's life, reflected into one mix and shared carefully in hopes that he would be heard and understood.

Tags: Canon Compliant, Dean's Top 13 Zepp Traxx Mixtape, Inspired by Music, John Winchester's A+ Parenting

SFW

Darmys - Darmys

Long Road Home: Unto the Breach

Summary: Sam and Dean set out on a journey of danger and discovery. Joining forces with a band of outcasts and rebels, they plan to strike a blow for freedom against the vast and powerful empire which stole Bobby from them. This is the second part of a massive space opera trilogy. Based on the original work of Alis A. Rasmussen.

Tags: Alternate Universe - The Highroad Trilogy, Alternate Universe - Space Opera, Past Benny Lafitte/Dean Winchester, Past Dean Winchester/Nick Munroe, Robot!Baby, Canon-Typical Deaths, Canon-Typical Violence, Referenced Past Rape/Non-con, Period-Typical Racism, Revolution

SFW

Salt-And-Silver - Salt-And-Silver

The Thief

Summary: The Empty’s threats echoed through his mind. Every rare happy moment, clouded with the reminder that he couldn’t let himself feel too much.

Tags: Major Character Death, One Shot, Heavy Angst, Angst & Tragedy, Love Confessions

SFW

supernatural9917 - @supernatural9917fic - supernatural9917

Into This

Summary: Dean is finally going to confess his love to his best friend. He gets quite a bit more than he bargained for. Written for the Destiel Smut Bingo 2018. Square fill: 'I didn't know you were into this.'

Tags: AU, Friends to Lovers, Cas is a professional dom, mention of past Castiel/Meg, mention of Castiel/others in a professional D/s context, These two idiots have been pining for years, Light Dom/sub

NSFW

De-stressing Mr Smith

Summary: Dean Smith's stoner hippie neighbour Castiel thinks Dean is wound up way too tight, and offers him a couple of different methods to de-stress. Written for the Destiel Smut Bingo 2018. Square fill: Endverse!Cas/Dean Smith Tags: Endverse Cas/Dean Smith, Castiel Acts Like Endverse Castiel, Dean Smith, Episode: s04e17 It's a Terrible Life Sort Of, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Neighbors

NSFW

For Science

Summary: Dean signs up to take part in a science experiment studying brain activity during arousal and orgasm. Jerking off to porn for money? Sounds like his dream job! Things get a little more complicated when the person running the study turns out to be his secret crush, Cas. Written for the Destiel Smut Bingo 2018. Square filled: For science.

Tags: for science, Exhibitionist Dean Winchester, Science, Scientist Castiel, Accidental Voyeurism that's a little bit on purpose

NSFW

Double Deaned

Summary: Tomorrow, they're gonna kill the devil. Tonight... well, they've got other plans. Written for the Destiel Smut Bingo 2018. Square filled: Endverse Sandwich (2014!Dean/2014!Cas/2009!Dean)

Tags: Endverse sandwich, Threesome - M/M/M, Angst, Endverse Dean is a dick, implied breath play

NSFW

And the Academy Award Goes To....

Summary: It's Oscar season! Will the Academy give Whisper Its Name the recognition it deserves? A Red Carpet Chronicles timestamp.

Tags: Red Carpet Chronicles, Timestamp, Alternate Universe - Actors, Oscars, Chick-Flick Moments, Fluff, Mountains and mountains of fluff, Cas is so proud

SFW

Accompanying art by delicious-irony

dean-cas-in-the-impala - @dean-cas-in-the-impala - dean-bangs-cas-in-the-impala

Fortunato

Summary: Cas finds a kitten. Dean is not happy. But for how long?

Tags: Fluff, Fluff and Romance, Domestic Destiel, Destiel in the bunker, kitten fic

SFW

Will You Bee Mine?

Summary: Whatever Castiel bakes just tastes heavenly.

Tags: Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Romance, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff

SFW

insominia - @a-insominia - insominia

Roadside Assistance

Summary: Dean Winchester is probably the most decent human being Castiel has ever met, not to mention gorgeous. But, Castiel has more baggage than an airport terminal and Dean's only being kind because Castiel broke down in a snowstorm and nothing is going to happen. Probably nothing.

Tags: AU - Modern Universe, Attempted Kidnapping, Strangers to Lovers, Love at First Sight, Fluff and Smut

NSFW

My Brother, Dean

Summary: Sam Winchester doesn't know much about Dean's secret other-half. He only has half a name to go on 'Cas'. Whoever she is, she's probably a gorgeous brunette who loves beer and pie and Sam doesn't care that Dean wants to keep her a secret, he's just glad his brother is happy. It was going to happen eventually and Dean invites Sam out, probably with an eye to introducing them at last. Nothing goes to plan and it turns out Sam knows nothing.

Tags: AU - Modern Setting, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Coming Out, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Implied Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Family Fluff

SFW

Chick-Flick Moment

Summary: Dean wants to do something nice for Cas, but what do you get an angel of the lord to show your appreciation? Enter: Sam, with the great idea of 'how about you ask him if there's anything he wants?' Which is fine until Cas says, 'I want a chick-flick moment.' But Dean said he'd do anything and he intends to deliver.

Tags: Date Night, Romance, Fluff

SFW

I'm Just Not Myself (When You're Away)

Summary: It's been three years now and Dean hasn't said a word. He left so much unsaid so now he says nothing.

Tags: Angst, Post-Canon, Forgetful Dean Winchester, Growing Old, SFW

The Hunter’s Church

Summary: The gates of heaven are closed to Castiel and not even his voice can penetrate it. After the Winchesters have passed Castiel still hunts and the new hunters sometimes pray to the legendary guardian angel of hunters. He always comes when they call and all he ever asks in return is that when they pray they pass on a message - I'm safe and I love you.

Tags: Future Fic, Post-Canon, Family Feels, Angst and Feels

SFW

All in a Name

Summary: It's 5 am and Castiel wants a coffee. It's surely not an unreasonable request.

Tags: AU - Coffee Shop, Meet-Cute, First meetings, fluff

SFW

Fifty Shades of Cas

Summary: Castiel asked Dean to show him what 'Fifty Shades of Grey' meant. Dean has only the vaguest idea what those excuse-for-soft-porn-in-chick-flicks are actually about but he's not one to back down from a challenge. Unfortunately for him, Castiel knows exactly what 'Fifty Shades of Grey' means and is happy to illustrate the gaps in his knowledge.

Tags: Dom/Sub Play, Fifty Shades of Grey Bashing, Misunderstandings, Frottage, Oral Sex, Restraints

NSFW

zipegs - @ghstfcers - zipegs

Refraction

Summary: A collection of 100-word drabbles as prompted by the Profound Bond Discord’s weekly challenge. Each chapter will correspond to a one-word prompt, with at least one stand-alone drabble per chapter.

SFW

Like Salvation

Summary: That’s the kicker, isn’t it? The moment Dean wants to keep fighting is the moment it’s no longer an option.

Tags: Episode: s14e12 Prophet and Loss, 14x12 coda, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, First Kiss, cas and dean get the emotional moment they deserve

SFW

PallasPerilous -@pallasperilous - PallasPerilous

Twenty Questions

Category: General

Summary: Dean is AWOL, so Cas rides shotgun. Sam does his best to fill the silence with an entirely academic inquiry into the nature of Enochian pronouns and their relation, or lack thereof, to the gender of human vessels.

...it's more fun than it sounds.

Tags: Castiel & Sam Winchester, Ficlet, Angel Gender, Angel True Forms, POV Sam, Conversations in the Impala

SFW

Demon!Castiel

Category: General

Summary: Demon!Castiel for @bisexualdemondean

Tags: Demon!Castiel, AU, tailored suiting is hot

SFW

Canadduh - @canadduh - canadduh (Pillowfort)

Never, Always, Forever

Summary: He knew that drinking games were bad news. Especially drinking games that involved him, Cas, and a few too many shots of tequila.

Tags: Never Have I Ever, Bottom Dean Winchester, Top Castiel, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Fluff and Smut, Angst, Post-Coital Cuddling, Come Eating

NSFW

#profoundnet monthly masterpost #member post #members post #profoundnet #deancasreclist #february masterpost #member fic #member art

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moss2022retireadventure · 2 years ago

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9/13 - Coffee at 1B Pitville then a mani pedi with a blue color called “Yoga-ta Get This Blue!” (not sure who comes up with these names!!) Raining for the rest of the day, so this is all we’ll be up to!!

0 notes

theresnosafeharbor4myships · 7 years ago

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Hey guys, remember when I wrote Caryl fanfic? Remember when sometimes I’d even write fluff? And that one time, many years ago, when I wrote a Valentines Day fic? No? Ok, here’s the reminder: I did. Happy Valentines (Galentines, Palentines, whatever-tines) Day! <3

Coming Home (also on 9L)

He wasn’t allowing her in the house.

When she’d left that morning, he’d told her in no uncertain terms that she had to stay away until 7pm. She knew better than to pry, though her curiosity was piqued as high as a Middle Eastern skyscraper.

So she baked, cooked, cookie cutter-smiled, and gritted her teeth through the silliness that was Alexandria, wondering for the thousandth time that day how these people had survived so long. When lunch and its cleanup were complete, she visited with Jude and Michonne until Carl came home from his classes taught by one of the two still-living teachers. She wandered slowly by the house in hopes of catching a glimpse of…? Him? Activities inside? What is he doing?

But no such luck. The blinds were down, and she could see the tint of the dark blue curtains behind them.

She stopped by the chapel to…think—she wasn’t sure she could call it praying anymore because she feared He wouldn’t hear her, but she visited nonetheless.

The clock only read 5:30pm when she’d finished, so she strolled to the kid’s park a few blocks away and did a few pull-ups like Michonne had taught her. The woman was a fitness expert, lithe, agile, and muscular in a way she never would be, and Michonne had given Carol more than few tips on her fitness routine to continue strengthening her muscles. She did a few yoga poses for good measure and to try to calm her nerves.

What’s going on with him anyway? she wondered. He’s never kicked me out before. And why only me? Glenn and Maggie are free to go home. What are they cooking up?

When it was 6:45, she couldn’t stay away any longer and power-walked home. She stood on the stoop, raised her hand to knock—as he’d asked her to do when he told her she couldn’t come home—and froze, nerves a jumbled mess and anxiety filling her. What’s on the other side of this door?

Don’t be a baby, she chided herself. Just knock and find out.

She rapped on the door and shuffled around on her feet until the knob turned and Daryl opened the door wide.

Her breath stopped momentarily, taking in the site of him: his black t-shirt making his deep blue eyes pop, the jeans—new by the looks of them—a sight to behold, as she couldn’t recall him ever having worn blue jeans before. His shock of black hair was washed and groomed, shining and combed out of his face for once.

“You’re early,” he stated in his low southern drawl.

“I…” She couldn’t stop staring at him. He looked different, was looking at her differently. She was mesmerized. “…couldn’t stay away….any longer.”

He gave her a knowing smile, which further confounded her because she didn’t know

He held out his hand, and it took her a few seconds to realize he was waiting for hers. She placed her palm over his. He drew her inside and reached around her with his other hand to close and lock the door behind her.

“Daryl,” she wondered aloud. “What’s going on?”

He gazed down at her for a few moments before answering. “Somethin’ that shoulda happened a long time ago. Back at the prison. I…” he trailed off, his eyes drifting to their joined hands as he moved them until their fingers interlocked, then set his intense gaze on her.

Her heart hammered in her chest. What was he doing?

”I was scared before,” he admitted softly. “Still am. But...too much time has passed as it is. And you…” His other hand came up to cup her cheek as he stepped closer to her. “Carol…” he whispered before slowly leaning towards her.

He moved slowly, giving her ample time to move away or reject him, but she was too stunned to move—and most certainly wouldn’t have stopped him if she could.

She closed her eyes as his lips brushed hers, softly, tenderly, and she almost collapsed at the reverence in his moves. She’d never been kissed with such passionate restraint before, and she moaned into his mouth as he gently tugged her closer to him.

Deep-seated fear—of intimacy, of the unknown with him, of him in the role as hunter of her—gripped her for a moment. He must’ve felt the change in her because he withdrew enough to rest his forehead against hers.

”Is this okay?” he questioned, and she could hear his own fear in the words. “I wanted to…for so long…never the right time though. One of us is always runnin’ off and somebody always needs help. But now…we got a home and walls, and God only knows how long this’ll last. And livin’ with you every day and sleepin’ in the room next to you every night knowin’ how close you are but not able ta—”

She crushed her lips against his, unable to listen to his sweet, tentative ramblings any longer without crying.

And kissing him was a much better alternative.

It wasn’t long before her hands roamed from his hair to his back, his shoulders, his chest, trying to touch him all over in the hopes she could make him feel even a fraction of the passion he was making thrum within her. His hands stayed firm on her hips, holding her close to him but not moving. Out of fear? Shock at her boldness? Did he not want—?

He pulled her closer, then shuffled backwards as she moved forward, never more than a few inches away from him. She didn’t realize where he was moving them until he plopped down on the couch and slid his hands to her thighs, looking up at her with such heated intensity she thought she might melt on the spot.

”Carol…” he whispered.

“Yes?” she breathed. She wanted so badly to be bold, knew what she wanted to do with him sitting willingly before her with his hands branding his touch into her skin. With the heavy petting she’d just initiated, he probably thought her crazy, but she just couldn’t make that move. Too many years of intimate humiliation, forced encounters, and derogatory comments about her body, her skills, her. They started to swoop in.

“No.”

The word, gentle but resolute, startled her.

“Whatever you’re thinkin’….just…no. I’ve watched you grow into your strength and come to terms with you. The real you. And she’s amazing. You’re amazing. You’re with me now…if you wanna be…?” It hung in the air like a question, and she nodded unhesitatingly. “You’re stunning. And if it takes me all night,” with a quirk of his eyebrow, he grinned, “or the resta my days on this godforsaken Earth for you ta believe it, I’mma spend 'em provin’ it to you.”

Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears, and she nodded in acceptance of what he offered.

“Come’ere,” he coaxed, pulling her gently to him. She straddled him on the couch, her face tinged red. He cupped her face with one hand, the other sliding up her thigh to rest on her hip. “I love you,” he whispered.

She wanted to repeat the phrase, but the words froze in her throat. So she leaned toward him and said the only other thing she could think of.

“Show me?”

He smiled. “Gladly.”

*****************************************************************

“I didn’t plan for this…I mean, I’d hoped, but I don’t want you ta think…I wasn’t tryin’ ta…I mean…shit.”

She giggled against his neck, and he sighed heavily. “It’s okay.”

“I wanted ta surprise you.”

“And you did!” she exclaimed. “It was a very big…” she paused for emphasis. “and pleasant surprise.”

“Hmph, thanks. For me too.” He kissed her shoulder. “I made dinner for ya.”

She looked at him, eyes wide. “You did?”

“ ‘Course. I wasn’t plannin' on startin’ with dessert.”

Pink flushed her cheeks. “Was a nice start to the evening though.”

“Mmm. You worked up an appetite yet?”

“Definitely.”

“Come'on.”

She slipped his t-shirt over her head and padded after him as he righted and zipped up his jeans.

“Oh,” she gasped as she entered the kitchen. Candlelight flickered around the simple vase holding white roses and over the two place settings on the table. Her eyes met his. “You did this…”

He nodded. “Wanted you to have a nice Valentine’s Day.”

She was taken aback. “Valentine’s Day?”

“Yeah. Glenn found out from Olivia—they been keeping track’a the days here—and told me not to expect him and Maggie home tonight. Thought it was a perfect night to…tell you how I feel.”

She walked over to him, placing her hands on his chest and gazing up at him with tenderness in her eyes. “It is perfect.”

“And we’re just gettin’ started.”

She slid her arms over his shoulders and around his neck. “Don’t I know it.”

He smiled at her, and her heart soared. How little he smiles, she thought. “No one’s ever…treated me on Valentine’s Day before.”

“From now on, I will. You deserve it. And not only on Valentine’s Day.”

She gazed up at him, her heart overflowing with emotions she’d held at bay for far too long. “I love you, too,” she breathed, drawing him down to her. She kissed him thoroughly, and neither of them were sad that dinner turned cold.

#caryl #caryl valentines #carol x daryl #daryl x carol #caryl fanfiction #caryl fanfic #my writing #personal

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thelasttime · 3 years ago

Note

What is the name of the nail polish!

it’s from opi and it’s called yoga-ta get this blue

#cheesy name #classic opi #anonymous #asks #asking you this*

0 notes

orderofthewordlotus · 7 years ago

Text

The laundry machine was full, and the man reached up to grab the detergent. The small room, constantly buzzing with the electric buzz of flourescents and the rumble of neighboring machines running, quickly filled with the smell of cleansing flowers and herbs.

The man poured the translucent blue into the column, and closed the lid on his machine. One jab of an errant finger activated the internal motors, and it began filling the central tub. Another machined stopped, and the man sat down in an errant chair, and spaced out, breathing in the scent of lavender.

As the man dozed absently, chair propped up on two legs, the sound of the door opening jarred him out of his reverie. The chair slammed back on all four legs.

The laundry machine was full, and the man was pouring himself a vial of detergent. Further into the room, another man was pulling his wet clothes from the washing machine, and was pacing across the room to dump them in the dryer. It took him another two drips, despite the laundry machine only large enough for maybe half of a load.

Detergent poured, machine started, the stranger spoke. “My grandpappy gave me two good pieces of advice in life. Don’t antagonize nothin’ that hunts when you edible. An’ the only mistake ain’t solvable by burnin’ it down is settin’ too much stuff on fire.”

The smell of lavender seemed to fill the room, and the stranger continued speaking. “Hell, boy, I found that first piece’a advice too useful ta not follow. That sec’und’s a real squirmy one, though. Ain’t one of us get through this life ‘thout a han’ful’a mistakes. Pappy weren’t wrong, fire sure can fix’a lotta ‘em.”

The machines seemed to grow louder, and the stranger leaned into the man’s face. “Fact, I feel like I maybe seen you before. You ain’t never report no crimes, have’ya? Arson, ‘haps?”

The flick of the lighter called the man’s focus down.

The laundry machine was full, and the man poured the detergent straight from the oversized bottle all over the clothes, not caring to measure beforehand. The laundry room around him was wall-to-wall windows. The low, humming machines churned into the empty room, the single florescent light flickered on and off with sporadic rhythms, buzzing and fading in uneven percussion. The world outside the laundromat, a normally bustling city to the man’s memory, was bathed in a low mist that obscured anything more than a few long strides beyond the doors and windows.

He man started the machine, and stepped over to the windows, pressing his hand against the glass as he leaned up to look closely. The cafe across the street glowed a pale orange, muted by the sepia-toned windows that promised a low, moody light for the patrons inside. It was probably quieter there, than the eclectic rhythms and formless machinations of the cheap laundromat he found himself in.

All he had to do was open the door and walk across. There’s no reason not to, in fact. Time seemed to drift away from him, and he stared at the warm colors of the coffee shop, piercing through the cool, white haze of the misty morning. He foot scuffed the metal, and he quickly realized he’d moved without intending to. The sudden cool metal of the door handle was under his palm as he started to push outside. The metal grating under the door rattled when he kicked it, and he flinched with sudden surprise.

The laundry machine was full, and his robes took up the better part of both machines. “Do I have enough quarters?” He asked his costar, a woman wearing nothing but a dotted pink bra and yoga pants.

“For both machines?” She replied, looking up from her magazine. “Probably not.”

He fished in his pockets, pulling two quarters and a handful of discarded wrappers and pennies. “I guess you’re right.”

Her voice, high and melodious, sang out from behind his field of vision as he spun around toward the machines, looking for accidentally dropped coins on the ground. “Am I ever not?~”

He found a dime, two nickels, and another quarter, which was enough to start at least one machine. The rumbling of the three machines running in tandem made conversing difficult. “Can I borrow a quarter?”

She smiled a wicked smile at him, “And what will I get in return?”

“The ability to settle the bet with Trevor. I’m going to try washing the crown.”

The wicked smile added a hint of pink and grew wider. “Ooooh, Wardrobe won’t be happy. You’re a wicked boy.”

She reached for her top to grab the coin she had concealed within it, and his gaze lowered toward

The laundry machine was full of birds, and he turned to the woman hanging up rows of corn cobs from the laundry line just outside the back door. “Um... Ma’am, you’re not supposed to wash... uh... birds here.”

She turned, clad in a glorious robe of feathers, and leveled a flat gaze in his direction. Her voice sounded soft, hinting at little melodies hiding in every syllable. “I am not a ma’am. One would imagine, but those are not living birds, dear boy. That is my crown.”

He paused, “If not ma’am, then..?”

The reply was at once instant, and and languidly regal. “King.”

“Then... my liege, please permit me a question, why is your crown made of dead birds?”

“Your mortal artisasns, they weave together materials to make the cloths, do they not? Cloaks and tunics and such?”

“Um. Yeah.”

The King’s smile quickly reminded me of a raven’s caw. “Corpses are materials.” The intensity of the King’s gaze seemed to crush him, and he quickly averted his gaze down to

The laundry machine was rusted over, sat disused on the crest of a deep hill. The man’s hiking gear, gleaming and pristine compared to the grown over and corroded slice of modern appliance. The flowers in the field around him and the machine danced with the light breeze, caressing his boots and pushing at the vine-ridden overgrowth around the discarded and woefully out of place appliance.

He leaned against the machine for a moment, and watched the horizon. The flowers joined the symphony of leaves from trees all around the bluffs, and he watched for a moment, a single gloved hand resting on the browned lip of the machine. Tiny pebbles around his feet shuffled downslope, joining the chorus. For a brief moment, he thought he felt his foot slipping, and jerked his head down toward

The alarm clock blared noisily in his bedroom apartment, and he lurched uneasily in bed before crawling out of his covers. His bedroom, dark in the early-morning AMs, was cold, and he sneezed.

“Ugh, I hate NyQuil dreams...”

#short fiction #writing

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shestillhasherquill · 7 years ago

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Way Back Home

This fic is to celebrate @word-bug and her turning a year older! Happy Birthday, Vaish, I love you! We discussed this Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani AU at length, and I hope you like it!

I could have never perfected it without the help of my Bae-ta (ha ha!) @accio-ambition! You’re the best, thnz

“Swan, you alright?” Killian asked, crouching in front of her. She shook her head, the grin finally breaking through. “I’m going to London,” she announced, the first time she ever said the words out loud.

Emma Swan's life changed that night, and she left Storybrooke to follow her dreams. But it's time for her to find her way back home, and what better way to bring her back than for a wedding?

Find it on AO3 or FF.net

Killian grinned, watching as Ruby and Dorothy went wild on the dance floor. Their arms were slung around each other, smiles wide as they danced to the beat of the music. Dorothy laughed at something Ruby said, her head thrown back. The look on Ruby’s face made him grin wider, beyond happy that his best friend seemed to have found someone to spend the rest of her life with. He might have met her only five years ago, but it seems like he’s known her much longer.

Her and Graham, he reminded himself, grunting as his mate bumped into him hard, taking a seat next to him, a glass of scotch (he assumed) clutched in his hands. “What are you moping here for, Killian? It’s a party, mate,” he slurred.

Before he could respond with a scathing remark, Ruby pulled him out of his seat, forcing him into the crowd with her. He had to stomp down the urge to grumble, knowing how important this weekend was to Ruby. After all, it wasn’t everyday your best friend gets married in Vienna of all places.

When Ruby had first told him she was getting married, he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. However, he knew how much being with Dorothy had changed her, even mended her broken heart. She’d become someone different – someone who was proud of herself.

And so, he pushed aside his own heartache, knowing that no matter how much he hoped, the person he really wanted here with him would probably not show up. She probably didn’t even know that there was a wedding happening.

Suddenly, the music stopped, making everyone groan and whine, turning to the DJ for an explanation. Right before things got too chaotic, the other side with the stage lit up, the sound of a familiar song started up, making him suck in a sharp breath. When he could see who was on stage more clearly, his heart dropped to his gut. He felt Ruby’s talon like nails grip his arm, a whispered oh my God leaving her lips before she cried it even louder.

“OH MY GOD. EMMA!” she shouted, running to the stage to hug the blonde, just as We Like to Party by the Vangaboys came on, both girls singing it together, the whole club soon joining them. Killian, well, he was stuck in the same spot, his eyes never leaving the dancing goddess on stage, her cheeks red from laughter and golden hair flipping around.

She was back. Five years later, but she was actually back.

-/-

Five years ago

She’d met Liam Jones when she’d been home from college one weekend. He’d moved to Storybrooke about three months ago to take over as the new harbourmaster, and the man that her older cousin, Elsa seemed to have a crush on. When they’d run into him at Granny’s, it was obvious that he liked Elsa, as well. Emma couldn’t help but tease Elsa for being totally obvious.

Of course, Elsa had an opportunity to rib Emma back. When Emma’s final semester finished, and she’d graduated and moved back to Storybrooke, she’d been none too happy. She’d hoped to have heard back about her scholarship by then, and had thus not applied for any jobs, hoping to be halfway across the world by now.

And so she’d picked up a couple of shifts at Granny’s, not willing to sit at home and do nothing all day. She just had to be patient. It was during a really slow summer afternoon shift that she first met Killian. He came in wearing a shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his shoulders, leaving his bulging biceps on full display, sweat glistening off his skin. She still got embarrassed thinking about how obviously she’d ogled him, Killian having to wave his hand in front of her face to catch her attention.

They’d hit it off immediately, both of them having just finished college. He was a good few years older than her, already having received a residency position at Storybrooke General. And because his residency didn’t start for another several weeks, he was helping his brother, Liam, out. All of this she’d learned as he ate his lunch at her counter, flirting with her obnoxiously in between bites. Over the course of the next month, they’d become quick friends, Killian quickly falling in line with the rest of Emma’s friends.

Emma wiped her brow, having just finished a surprisingly gruelling afternoon shift at Granny’s. She walked the short distance to the docks, take out bag clutched in her hand. She knew that she’d find Killian there, working on his brother’s boat, getting it ready for Liam’s new idea of starting tours in the summer. She’d rolled her eyes at the idea, knowing that Storybrooke wasn’t exactly touristy enough for people to want to go on tours.

“Ahoy, there!” she exclaimed, her voice loud and startling Killian, who had his headphones in and hadn’t heard her come aboard.

“Bloody hell, Swan. You scared me,” he admonished, glaring at her, before looking down at what she was holding, his eyes quickly brightening. “Is that for me?”

She chuckled, nodding and handing him his meal over. “Granny’s best batch of onion rings, if I say so myself. And grilled cheese, of course.”

“Of course,” he mumbled, already having stuffed his mouth with a large bite of his sandwich, groaning in delight. “That is good.”

Emma swallowed thickly, the sound doing something to her - something she did not want to explore. “So, you heard about Graham’s party today?” she asked, clearing her throat.

“Yuh-huh. You thinking of going?” he asked, sitting on one of the overturned crate, patting the one next to him for her to sit.

“Of course I’m going. Graham and I have a business strategy to discuss,” she teased.

“Ah, yes. Your big plans to move all the way to Boston and open a bar. Very funny, Swan, haha,” he rolled his eyes.

“Do- do you want to come with me, maybe?” she asked, biting her lower lip.

He paused with his sandwich halfway to his mouth, his eyes wide in disbelief. “What, to Boston?”

Emma’s own eyes widened as she shook her head, quick to correct him. “No, I meant Graham’s party. He’s joking about the Boston thing. Mostly.”

Killian blinked, his surprise taken over by a much softer sort of bewilderment. “Of course I’d come with you, Emma.” Sensing the heavy tension, he, of course, turned it into something else. “Who wouldn’t want me for a date, love? A devilishly handsome lad such a meself, and a fetching lass like you - we would turn quite a few heads, don’t you think?”

She shook her head, pushing him away. “Do you ever not flirt?”

He tried to look affronted but he couldn’t stop from chuckling. “Swan, I always tell you this. Flirting is good for health. Like yoga.”

-/-

Emma was putting the finishing touches on her outfit, playing with the ringlets she’d carefully spent the past hour curling. It may be just another party at Graham’s but it felt different, knowing that she was going with Killian, and not meeting him there like she would usually. Just when she’d deemed herself ready, she heard Ingrid call her downstairs, a certain edge to her voice.

Worried, Emma rushed down the stairs, her heels clutched in her hands. “Mom? What happened? Are you okay?”

She rounded the corner and into the sitting room, where her mother sat, clutching a large envelope. “You- you never told me you applied anywhere,” Ingrid said in reply, her voice shaking.

Emma sucked in a sharp breath, her heart stuttering in her chest. “Is that for me?” she demanded, striding over to her mother and grabbing the envelope from her hands, turning it over. And there on the corner, was the University of Arts, London label.

She finally got it.

“Fuck,” she whispered. And the bell rang.

-/-

She heard her mother answer the door while she sat in a daze, her eyes roving over and over the same words. Congratulation, Ms. Swan.

It could have been minutes, hours, even days - she hardly cared. She finally got everything she’d ever wanted. She felt tears run down her cheeks, a grin threatening to burst through. She was startled by a hand on her shoulder and concerned blue eyes swimming in her gaze.

“Swan, you alright?” Killian asked, crouching in front of her.

She shook her head, the grin finally breaking through. “I’m going to London,” she announced, the first time she ever said the words out loud.

And from then, it was just a whirlwind of preparations, Emma wanting to get there as soon as she could. In all the chaos, she kept putting off telling Ruby and Graham, making Killian promise not to tell anyone. She knew she had to stop putting it off, but she had no idea how to tell them she planned on moving to another country. It wasn’t like her mother took it well either - Ingrid had actually refused to talk to her for a while, and it took a lot of convincing from Emma to forgive her.

“It’s not that I’m not proud of you,” she said. “Because I am. But you should have told me, this is a big decision.”

In the end, she never got a chance to tell Ruby and Graham herself. Somehow Liam got to know (she was guessing Elsa told him) and he asked her about it in front of them.

“You’re going where?” Ruby demanded, hands on her hips and nostrils flaring. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I- I never thought I’d get it.”

“But you should have told us! It’s another country, Emma!” Ruby exclaimed, throwing her hands up for emphasis.

Emma rolled her eyes, “Yes, I am aware, Ruby. Thank you.” She took in a deep breath. “Look, I wanted to tell you guys myself. It just wasn’t the right time, and I just have a lot to do before I leave. I know I shouldn’t have kept putting it off. I’m sorry.”

“When do you leave?” Graham asked, his voice surprisingly soft.

“A month, month and half, maybe.”

Both Ruby’s and Graham’s eyes widened, shock shifting to anger. “What, we weren’t important enough for you to tell us sooner? Thought you could just leave and we would understand,” Graham snapped.

“Graham,” Ruby tried to stop him, but he ignored her.

“We had plans, Em. We were going to leave this dead-end town and move to Boston. I could have finally left my step-mother’s house. We talked about this, and now it’s just easy for you to throw it away.”

“I thought you were joking about it, Graham! I mean, what did you think? That it would be easy to just move to Boston and set up a bar? Are you mad?” Emma snapped back.

He laughed humourlessly. “I guess I am for thinking you’d ever stay around. You just keep running, Emma. That’s what you’re good at.”

And with those words, he walked away, Ruby running after him, promising Emma that he’d come back and apologise. But he never did, and a month later, when she was leaving, it was only Ruby and Killian who’d come to say goodbye. Thinking that Graham was upset and realising that her best friend didn’t even want to say goodbye were two completely different things.

She’s put her final bag in her mother’s car, hugging Ruby tight. “I’ll be back before you know it,” she whispered to the brunette, tears burning the back of her closed lids. “Love you in case I die.”

“Come back soon, Em,” Ruby whispered back, hugging her tighter. “Love you in case I die.”

Emma pulled back, chuckling as she swiped at her cheeks. “I should go now.” Ruby nodded, stepping back.

Just as she opened the car door, Killian’s hand on her arm stopped her. She turned around, her heart in her throat. With how fast everything happened, they never even got time together or even figure out what they were. “Killian,” she breathed out, her hands clenching at her sides, so she doesn’t do something stupid like grab him and kiss him.

“Swan,” he nodded, smiling sadly at her. “Off to see the world, huh?”

She chuckled despite herself. “Gotta start somewhere, right?”

“Right.” He breathed deep, his expression suddenly serious, his blue eyes never leaving her gaze. He grabbed her hand, squeezing tightly, hoping to get everything he felt across. “This was the best summer.”

“Yeah.” Emma had to bite her cheek to keep from crying. She was halfway falling for him when everything changed, and she was leaving now. As much as she wanted to ask him to wait for her, she couldn’t. It wasn’t fair to him, at all.

But yet again, he surprised her. “There’s not a day will go that I won’t think of you.”

Emma swallowed thickly, tears swimming in her eyes, and blurring her vision. “Good.”

-/-

Present

With the party winding down in the wee hours of the morning, everyone started dispersing to their respective rooms, leaving Graham, Killian, Emma, Ruby and Dorothy, laughing as Emma enthralled them with yet another story from her travels. Killian still hadn’t spoken to her, not having a moment alone with her, and for that he was glad. Because for all the times that he’d fantasized about this moment, when the moment was actually here, he had no idea what to say. He wanted to hug her, he wanted to just grab her and kiss her. Tell her how much he’d missed her. Tell her about his work at the hospital, ask about her job. Tell her what he was supposed to five years ago, because damn him, but he still loved her. He swore, he loved her even more now than he did back then.

He excused himself, waving away everyone’s concern as he went to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He sucked in a sharp breath, wrinkling his nose at the stench. Of course he’d chosen here to gather himself, not the pantry or even the supply closet with all the clean smells. He quickly washed his hands, wanting to get out of there as soon as he could. But just as he went to open the door, he heard two voices arguing, one distinctly male. Graham, he realized. And the other one - Emma.

After a heated argument, ending with Emma shouting so loud that Ruby had to come break up the fight, he heard her leave in a huff. Waiting for a moment, to ensure that no one else was outside, he exited the restroom. He had heard enough from the conversation to know just what to do. The thing he’d been avoiding the most: talking to her.

-/-

After a bit of searching, he found her at the pool, her feet dangling in the water. He took a moment, admiring her beauty in the moonlight, her skin looking paler and her hair almost white. She looked like an angel, he mused, before quickly shaking the thoughts from his head. He couldn’t go there again, not with her. Right now, she just needed a friend.

“Hey,” he greeted, sitting cross-legged beside her.

She turned to him, her gaze steady and clear as she stared at him for a moment, her expression stony, before a smile broke through, making him sigh in relief on the inside.

“I was wondering when you’d come. You were standing behind me for so long, I’d have been creeped out if it had been anyone else.” Those were the first words she’d said to him in five years. He chuckled loudly, shaking his head at her, and handing her a beer.

“So,” he began, sipping his own beer. “You married?”

Startled at his question, she whipped her head to look at him. “What? No!” she sputtered. “Why do you ask?”

“So I’d know if I should behave or if I could flirt,” he teased, a twinkle in his eye as her cheeks grew warm.

“Is flirting my punishment for not getting married?” she asked snarkily.

“Aye,” he grinned back. “Besides, flirting is good for the health, Swan.”

“Like yoga,” she finished, rolling her eyes. “You’re still so predictable.” He stiffened at her words, but did not allow her to see how much they affected him. “I’ve missed you,” she said after a long time.

“I’ve missed you too, Swan,” he replied, smiling at her fondly. He took a moment, taking her in, noticing all the small changes.

“What?” she asked self-consciously.

“You just, you haven’t changed much. Well, except for one thing.”

“Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

“You used to smile a lot more. I missed that.”

There was long pause, his words sinking in. When it was clear that she wasn’t going to say anything else, he moved to stand up.

“No. Stay.” And so he did, knowing that it would just be some time before she told him what was on her mind.

“Graham and I got into a fight,” she said finally, snapping him away from his wandering thoughts. “He said, he said a bunch of stuff.”

“Emma…”

“No, it’s okay,” she sniffled. “I was gone for five years, Killian. I couldn’t really expect things to remain the same. I just, I had to leave, you know? I’ve always dreamed about travelling, and then I got that scholarship and then I had to focus on my career. I just always thought that I could come back to you guys.”

“And you can, Emma.” He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer to him. “Graham is an idiot. He was drunk and he said some things he didn’t mean.”

“Except that he did. We aren’t friends anymore. I just don’t fit in here,” she confessed, making his heart squeeze painfully.

“Hush, Swan. Don’t say that.” She simply shrugged his arm off, smiling sadly at him.

“I’m going to crash,” she said, wiping at her tears. “It was nice catching up with you, Jones.”

“Likewise, Swan,” he called after her, left alone with his own thoughts.

-/-

Emma lounged on Ruby’s bed, flipping through the channels on the television lazily as the other woman kept arguing on the phone with someone. “Damn caterers,” she muttered, ending the call and turning her attention back to Emma.

“So, how’s London?” she asked, taking a seat on the bed.

“I have no clue.”

“Don’t you live there?”

Emma shook her head, continuing to flip through the channels. “I moved to Amsterdam a couple years ago,” she explained.

“You never told us,” Ruby complained, frowning disapprovingly at her. “How did you even get my wedding invitation?”

“My job kept me too busy for me to think about where I had a house, Rube,” Emma replied in way of an explanation. “And I didn’t. I got Killian’s email.”

Ruby raised her eyebrows at Emma, as if she’d said something that she shouldn’t have. “Killian emailed you?”

“Yeah. I figured he told you.” Her brows pulled together in confusion. “Although, I never responded to his email, so he probably didn’t want to get your hopes up.”

“That’s not why I’m surprised, and you know it.” Ruby shifted on the bed so she sat facing Emma. “What is going on with you two? I saw you talking by the pool last night. It looked pretty intense.”

“It’s nothing.” Emma rolled her eyes, already knowing what was coming next, and had every intention of stopping it. “Ruby, he was just being a good friend. That’s all.”

Ruby opened her mouth to argue when Graham burst through the door, informing Ruby something about flowers which had her running from the room, angrily muttering about lilacs.

Graham stood awkwardly at the door, nodding at Emma before he turned to leave. “Graham, wait.” She stood up from the bed. “I wanted to apologise. You were right, I should have tried harder to keep in touch.”

He nodded icily, arms crossed against his chest. When he said nothing, she prattled on, “I had to put in a lot of time and effort, Graham. Being a travel journalist isn’t easy and I had to focus on paving my path. It had been my dream for years.”

He scoffed. “Of course, it’s all about you, isn’t it, Emma? Your dreams, your career. Your life. Did you even stop once to think about Ruby and I? Did you know that she didn’t even expect you to turn up for her wedding?” Emma’s heart clenched as Graham just continued cruelly. “Did you think about Elsa? Ingrid?”

“Don’t you dare, Graham,” she warned him when he brought up Ingrid, her eyes blazing.

“Was your life, your career so important that you couldn’t be bothered to come back to your own mother’s funeral,” he hissed. Before she knew what she was doing, she’d slapped him, eyes welling with unshed tears.

“How dare you.”

“How dare I? How dare you! Elsa needed you, Emma. After Ingrid, you’re all she had. How could you just abandon her?”

She clenched her jaw, his every word felt like a piece of glass embedding in her heart. “Maybe Ruby was right to not expect anything from me,” she breathed out, pushing past him and running away. That was all she was good at, anyway.

-/-

Emma stuffed her camera in her bag, followed by her wallet and her phone, grabbing her coat on the way. She shuffled down the hallway, lingering for a few moments before knocking on the door she stood in front of.

“Swan?” Killian looked bemused to see her outside his room at the break of dawn. “What the bloody hell are you doing up so early?”

“Let’s go explore the city, Jones. It’s a beautiful day outside, and we have so little time here,” she announced, pushing past him and sauntering in his room. “C’mon. Let’s go.”

He blinked at her, having trouble understanding where she got her energy from so early in the day. “Bloody hell, it’s 6 am. How are you awake?” he groused, walking towards the closet to pull out a set of clothes.

“I want to leave before Ruby wakes up and drags me to yet another fitting. Plenty of motivation, my friend!”

He chuckled, promising to shower quickly and join her.

It was an hour later, and they were walking idly around the cobbled streets of Vienna, Killian sipping his large coffee, as Emma paused to click her photographs. “So, this is your life, is it? You and your camera?” he asked, smiling indulgently as she made him pose for a photo.

She shrugged, smiling back. “It’s a good life. Living in a new city every week. You don’t know that feeling.”

“There’s no feeling like home, Swan,” he said in disagreement, not noticing as she stopped for a moment, his words sitting her like a sucker punch to the gut. Shaking the voice in the back of her head, sounding decidedly like Graham’s, she kept walking.

“Trying new cuisine, almost every day,” she bragged, smirking at him over her shoulder.

He walked up to her, grabbing her camera from her hand, and despite her protests clicking a few pictures of her. “And yet, I know you miss Granny’s grilled cheese and onion rings, Swan,” he teased, handing her the camera back. It was his turn to smirk, leaving her dumbfounded.

“I know what you’re trying to do. You’re trying to entice me back to Storybrooke.” She narrowed her eyes at him.

He chuckled, dragging her along with him when she refused to move. “I’m truly not. I’m just saying, you’re not wrong to want all these new experiences, Emma. You’ve always wanted that, and I can’t fault you for that. But I’m not wrong either.” He stopped suddenly, turning to face her, a serene smile on his face. She felt her breath catch, the look in his eyes all too familiar to that last night before she’d left.

“Killian,” she breathed out, her voice softer than a whisper. “I-”

“You’re not wrong,” he cut off gently. “You’re just very different from me.”

She wanted to agree with him, tell him yes, she was different. That she would never fit in anywhere. She was too flighty, and she could never settle down in one place. She wanted to tell him no matter how much she loved Ingrid, she never felt like she belonged. She had spent so long in foster care, moving from one place to another, that that was all she knew. Even when she was adopted, that need to move, to keep moving never left her. She wanted to tell him so much, because he was the only one who’d understand her. But if she did, it would make her too vulnerable, and she wasn’t ready for that.

When he realized that she wasn’t going to dignify him with a response, he looked away. The way she let out an almost imperceptible breath of relief shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did, especially after all these years. But you can’t be in love with Emma Swan, without being in love with Emma Swan.

He clapped his hands together, startling her. “Right. We should be on our way.”

-/-

By sundown, both Killian and Emma found themselves at a near empty park, taking a seat at a bench. Killian smiled, eyes crinkling at the corners, as he took in the setting sun. The remaining glow bringing out the reds in his beard. Emma pressed against his shoulder, prompting him to lift it up and around her shoulders, bringing her closer to his side.

“I miss my mom,” Emma whispered after a long silence, her voice breaking at the end. She sniffled, tucking her hair behind both ears – something she always did when she was nervous, he knew. He also knew that he couldn’t say anything to comfort her, so he simply hugged her tighter, waiting for more. “I miss her so much, Killian. I wish I had been there, I wish I could have seen her just one last time.”

“Emma…”

“But no. I went on an assignment, and I had no reception, so of course, I got the messages a week later. A week later,” she cried, burrowing further into his side, her throat thick with restrained sobs. “I wasn’t even there when they buried my mom. I missed her last moments, all because I was chasing some- something. I don’t even know what. I still remember her asking me to come home for Christmas, and I cancelled last minute for this stupid, stupid assignment.

“After that, I couldn’t bear coming to Storybrooke. It just hurt too much; I couldn’t face any of you. So, I did what I did best,” she shrugged. “I ran, and ran and ran. Until I couldn’t anymore, I guess. But by then it was too late, and I hadn’t spoken to Elsa in over a year. I didn’t know what I could possibly say, so I said nothing. And here we are, three years later and I’m as alone as I ever was.”

“You have never been alone, and you will never be alone,” Killian protested fiercely. He made her look at him, grabbing her by her chin and meeting her gaze steadfastly. “You will always have me. Emma, I- I was always there for you. I am always here, love.”

“Killian,” she stuttered out, knowing what he was getting to. But she couldn’t let him do that, not when she couldn’t possibly reciprocate his feelings. Well, she could. It would be so easy, to love him. It was so easy to love him, if she was being honest with herself. But it wasn’t as easy to stop running, not from him necessarily, but from the settled down life, in a dead-end town, with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids and probably, knowing them, a dog. But this was exactly why she couldn’t do it – she wanted.

She wanted that life so much, and she could never have it and be happy. Soon, she would have that urge to leave, and she would end up hurting everyone, again. That was why she came here, to say a final goodbye, even though the others might not really know it. She was finally given her own show on a network, which meant more travel – everything she’d ever wanted. So, no, she couldn’t let him do this, she couldn’t break his heart.

“Emma, I just need to say this.”

“Killian, wait,” she shushed him, taking a deep breath. “I’m leaving.”

He froze, staring at her with a clenched jaw and wide eyes, before he quickly composed himself, chuckling slightly. “What, now?”

She shook her head. “No. I mean, after the wedding.”

“Well, we all are,” he tried joking, but her pursed mouth gave him pause.

“Killian,” she almost whined. “I’m leaving, for Paris, and probably Germany from there. And then Russia.”

He swallowed thickly, refusing to listen to his head as he pressed further. “What does that mean?”

Emma let out a shuddering breath, squeezing his arms as she leant her forehead against his. “It means that I am getting my own show. It means no more desk duty. It means more travel.”

“It means you can’t come home,” he finished for her, pulling away. The sudden distance between them made Emma’s heart clench.

She shuffled towards him, the bench only allowing him to create so much space. “Hey, look at me,” she urged, framing his face with her hands and turning him towards her. “Please,” she begged when he refused to meet her gaze. And of course, that got his attention - he was never very good at denying her. “I want everything you want, Killian. Trust me. I just- I don’t know what to do.”

Killian squeezed his eyes, biting his bottom lip hard. “Stop it, Emma,” he gritted out. “You can’t do this.” He opened his eyes, hands grabbing her wrists and pulled them away. “You can’t say things like this and then fly away.” He stood by, starting to walk away, when she called him.

And of course, he stopped.

“Killian, I-”

He whirled around, cutting her off. Emma had to stifle a gasp at how wrecked he looks, his jaw clenching and eyes rimmed with red. “I can’t spend another moment with you, love. Because if I do, if I keep letting myself indulge in this fantasy of us, I will find myself falling in love with you, all over again. And you wouldn’t love me back. Again.”

Emma couldn’t bear the thought, realizing that he never fully understood her feelings for him, just how strong they were. She surged forward, pulling him by the lapels of his jacket as she slanted her lips over his, pouring everything she felt into the kiss. She might not have been able to say it yet, but she could show him. After a second’s hesitation, he kissed her back, a whimper raising from the back of his throat, making her heartstrings pull.

“Emma,” he murmured against her lips, breathing hard. “Gods, I’ve waited for so long for this.”

“Me too,” she confessed, smiling softly, her eyes still closed. Things seemed to finally look up. Which was why she grew confused when he pulled back. “What is it?”

“We shouldn’t,” he breathed out, his eyes never leaving her lips.

“Why not?” she challenged, pressing up against him. “We both want it.”

And before they knew it, they found themselves coming together in her hotel room, their clothes spread throughout the room. If this was going to be their last night together, Killian was going to make sure it was the best night that she had.

-/-

Emma was startled awake by a loud pounding on the door, her bedmate groaning loudly. She hid her smile against his shoulder, snuggling closer to him.

“Not how I pictured waking up next to you, Swan,” Killian complained, pulling her almost on top of him, burying his face in her hair.

“You pictured waking up next to me, huh?” she teased, folding her hands on his chest and balancing her chin on them.

He hummed, running his fingers down her bare back, making her shiver. “Of course. It was my favourite dream,” he said, a bittersweet undertone to his voice than made her bite her lip.

“Would you say all your dreams came true, then?” she asked, diverting his mind.

And at that, he smiled so bright, she was sure that the sun couldn’t compare. “No.”

“No?”

“No, this is better. Because you’re still here when I wake up.”

Tears pricked the corner of her eyes at his words. She pressed her lips to his, the kiss soft and sweet, much different than the ones from last night. They were brought out of their little bubble by another series of knocks, this time more insistent.

“Come on, Emma! Wake up, wake up, wake up!” Ruby bellowed. “It’s my wedding day!”

They both chuckled quietly. “Happy Ruby’s wedding day, love,” Killian teased.

“Happy Ruby’s wedding day,” she grinned, kissing him chastely before getting out of bed, wrapping the sheets around her. “I’m going to get ready,” she gestured to the bathroom, suddenly feeling awkward.

He scratched behind his ears. “Right. I should get going as well.” Pulling on his pants, he looked up at her, something heavy behind his gaze, as if he was memorizing her like this, properly fucked and with the sheets surrounding her.

“What?” she asked self-consciously.

“Nothing,” he replied, too quickly, shaking himself from his reverie. “You look beautiful, Swan.”

His words sent a rush through her, as she went red. “I’ll see you at wedding, then?”

“I’ll save you a seat,” he promised.

-/-

Emma grinned, happy tears in her eyes, as she watched her best friend marry the woman of her dreams. She leaned back in her chair, feeling Killian’s arm on the back of it, a kind of comfort in his presence. She looked up at him, only to finding him already looking at her. They both exchanged sweet smiles, even as Emma felt there was something off about his smile.

Soon enough, they found themselves at the reception, all of them dancing together, Emma’s arm draped over Ruby’s, laughing at Graham’s ridiculous dance moves. After a while, in desperate need of a drink, Emma sat at the bar, smiling widely as she saw Ruby and Dorothy dance, lost in each other.

“Hey,” came an accented voice next to her ear, making her jump.

“Hey,” she responded, turning in her seat to look properly at Graham, her smile still in place.

“I’m sorry,” they both said at the same time, laughing slightly afterwards.

He shook his head, taking a seat next to her, unbuttoning his jacket. “I’m sorry I said those things, Emma.”

“No, you were right. I- I should have been here.”

“Yeah, but I was still a right arse for blaming you. You didn’t abandon us,” he sighed, grabbing her hand.

She sniffled, smiling a watery smile at her best friend. “I am still sorry for not keeping in touch. I’ll be better, I promise.”

He raised his champagne glass to her, “Here’s to new adventures?” he offered.

“I’ll drink to that,” she laughed, clinking her glass to his own. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Swanson,” he teased.

She huffed, “Would you ever let that go?”

“Forgive me, but I took a pact to remind you of that as many times as I can,” he replied, pseudo-seriously.

“It was years ago!” she exclaimed.

“You dressed up at Ron Swanson for Halloween, Emma. You deserve this.”

She shook her head, chuckling. It was only when she looked up did she notice Killian staring at her from across the dance floor, a strange look in his eyes. Her apprehension only got worse when he turned away when she beckoned him over. Giving some excuse to Graham, she walked over to Killian, grabbing his arm.

“Hey, what’s up with you?” she asked, gaze shifting over his face.

“Nothing, love. I’m fine.”

Her brows almost shot to her hairline at the obvious lie. She scoffed, crossing her arms, “Sure you are. Now, really. What happened? I thought we were good.”

“Maybe now’s not the best time, Emma,” he whispered. “Would you care to dance?” he asked, abruptly changing topics, and throwing her off. And before she could protest, he’d dragged her to the dance floor, pulling her closer by her waist. Her arms automatically went around his neck, as they both swayed to the soft music.

Emma felt his steady heartbeat under her ear, smiling as she rested against his chest. She knew they had a lot to talk about, but maybe, now, she could finally admit to him what she’d been feeling. She could finally admit to herself. Maybe they could figure things out later, maybe – just maybe, it would all work out.

But of course, before she could, things went south.

“Emma, I love you,” he confessed, his breath warm in her ear. She smiled at that, ready to say the words back, finally. Unfortunately, his next words gave her pause. “But saying ‘I love you’, that’s just the beginning, isn’t it, love? Because, what happens next, is the two people can’t handle what those three words mean.”

Emma froze in his arms, pulling back to look at him with tears threatening to fall. “What are you doing? Why are you saying this?” she demanded, her voice cracking.

“Shh, Swan. I’m not trying to hurt you,” he promised, gathering her in his arms.

“What did I do wrong?”

“Nothing. You’re not wrong, Emma. I promise. You’re just very different from me.”

“Killian,” she whimpered. “Stop, you’re scaring me. I love you.”

She felt more than heard his breath catch in his throat with how tight they were pressed together. “Gods, how I longed to hear you say these words.”

“If you want me, then why are you pushing me away?” she questioned, her hands fisting in his suit.

“Because I can’t watch you leave,” he said, honestly. “You know what I want to tell you? ‘Don’t go to Paris. Give up on your dreams for me. Don’t leave me, because I can’t follow you when my life is in Storybrooke. My brother, Elsa, Ruby – my job, everything else but you, Emma. So, don’t go.’ That’s what I really want to tell you.

“Or maybe, I could say, ‘Go to Paris, follow your dreams. But come back after that, and never leave again.’ But I can’t ask that of you, either, can I?” Killian let out a harsh breath, burrowing against her neck. “Gods, this is hard, Swan.”

“Then stop it,” she begged, holding on tighter. “Let’s just stay here, in this moment.”

“The moment is already gone. Emma, darling, please,” he implored. “I cannot make you give up on your dreams for me. But I can’t keep holding on to the hope that you’ll ever want me more than you want to leave me.”

“What are you trying to say, Jones?” she bit out through her tears.

“That we should forget about each other,” he said, all in one breath. Emma’s heart felt like it was turned to ice, and everything seemed to stop for her. “We have until the end of this song, and then we move on, yes?”

“No,” she whined, because song was ending, and she wasn’t ready to let go. “No,” she said more firmly.

“Emma.”

“Five more minutes,” she pressed, nails digging into his neck with how strong her hug was.

“Emma.”

“Five seconds, please.”

And before she could take her next breath, five seconds were over. And so were they.

-/-

Elsa Fisher had always hoped that her cousin would return home one day. She’d imagined a number of scenarios. Emma would come barging in on Christmas morning, waking her up at an ungodly hour. Or Emma would drop in on Thanksgiving at Liam’s house, as was their long standing tradition, even before her Aunt Ingrid had passed. Or maybe even come stay with her on the anniversary of Ingrid’s death, so they could remember and mourn her together.

No matter how much Emma’s silence cut her at her soul, Elsa could never get mad at her. Because Elsa had Anna and Kristoff, no matter how far away they were, she had them. But Emma had loved Ingrid beyond anything; and so, she could understand why Emma never wanted to come back to Storybrooke. She’d wait patiently for her, knowing that Emma would soon find her way back – just as Aunt Ingrid had promised her. But nothing could have prepared her for the sight that greeted her two weeks after Ruby’s wedding (She was invited of course, but Liam had to stay behind, and she didn’t want to leave him alone).

“Emma?” Elsa gasped, taking in her cousin’s ragged appearance and tear-stained face. “Oh god, are you alright?” she exclaimed, pulling the other blonde into the house, and out of the harsh Maine winter.

“I’m so sorry,” Emma sobbed, throwing herself at Elsa, forcing her to balance the both of them. “I’m sorry I never came back. It was just too hard, and I’m sorry I abandoned you.”

Elsa ran a soothing hand down Emma’s back, hushing her with softly whispered words of comfort. “You’re home now. That’s all that matters.” And her words resonated within her heart, igniting a spark that had long since diminished. She’s home now. That’s all that mattered.

-/-

Elsa placed a mug of hot chocolate in front of her cousin, dousing it in generous amounts of whipped cream and cinnamon. “You ready to talk now?” she asked, after Emma had taken a few sips of the warm beverage.

It had taken a while for Elsa to calm her unusually hysterical cousin, unable to understand her garbled words through her tears. Hopefully, she could finally find out what drove Emma home.

Emma shrugged, her face forlorn. “I don’t know where I should start.”

“The beginning, as always,” Elsa smiled encouragingly, her hand squeezing Emma’s, letting her know that she was there for her, whatever it may be.

And so, Emma began her tale, starting from when she went to Vienna, to now. “I just, I really love him, and I don’t know what to do, Elsa. He said we can’t keep doing this back-and-forth thing; maybe he’s right.” Emma sighed deeply, her heart heavy.

“You know what you need to do, don’t you?” Elsa asked once Emma was done, a smile blooming on Elsa’s face. When Emma stared at her, nonplussed, Elsa’s grin only grew wider. “You are finally back home, Emma. You needed comfort, and you came back here. To your home. That’s what you’ve been searching for all these years, right?”

Emma gaped at her, her eyes widening in surprised as if she’d never realized it before. “I- You’re right…” she trailed off. “I never thought I’d want to come-” She cut herself off, standing so quickly, she scared Elsa.

“Where’re you going?” Elsa exclaimed as Emma grabbed her coat, rushing out the door.

“There’s someone I need to see. I’ll be right back!” she shouted behind her, the door slamming shut. Elsa shook her head, smiling to herself. Emma Swan is finally home.

-/-

Emma pounded on the door in front of her, bouncing on the balls of her feet nervously. She was sure she was flushed, her joy overcompensating for her previous sorrow. “C’mon, c’mon,” she muttered, banging on the door again. She heard muffled cursing, before the door was wrenched open.

Killian’s annoyance faded to shock to awe in a matter of seconds, his mouth hung open. “E-Emma?”

“Killian.”

“Wh-what are you doing here?” he stuttered out.

And at that, she smiled so bright, he was sure that the bloody sun couldn’t compare. “I’m home,” she breathed out. “I am home.”

#cs ff #cs angst #cs movie au #bollywood movie au #yeh jawaani hai deewani au

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